Dude, when someone owns you with receipts, be a man and admit you were wrong
Nothing happened
If something happened, I wasn’t there
If something happened and I was there, no damage occurred
If something happened and I was there and damage occurred, I didn’t do it
If something happened and I was there and damage occurred and I did it, it was not intentional
If something happened and I was there and damage occurred and I did it and it was intentional, it was justified
If something happened and I was there and damage occurred and I did it and it was intentional and it wasn’t justified, the other guy bears contributory negligence
If something happened and I was there and damage occurred and I did it and it was intentional and it wasn’t justified and the other guy doesn’t bear contributory negligence, then he has unclean hands
If something happened and I was there and damage occurred and I did it and it was intentional and it wasn’t justified and the other guy doesn’t have contributory negligence or unclean hands, then I am judgment proof