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Mario NOT a Top 30 HC According to ESPN
- Thread starter DisgruntledSebastianIbis
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Business Analyst Case Study: ****EmpySays.com
A Disruptive Digital Repository of Muppetological Truths & Postseason ProphecyExecutive Summary
In the immortal words of Saint Schnelly, and His Most Holy Coiffed One: "We ain't just building a website, we're ordaining a cathedral of empiricism, meng."****EmpySays.com is a digital archive and AI-powered Empy Oracle that curates, categorizes, and canonizes the holy gospel of Empirical Cane — the last rational voice in a sea of offseason delulu and porst-induced hysteria.
The market for fan-site truthbombs, ACC satire, and theological Butchism is underserved, underleveraged, and in desperate need of a righteous cleansing of the muppetry.
Problem Statement
Users across CaneInsight and beyond are plagued by:- Chronic offseason optimism syndrome (C.O.O.S)
- Outbreaks of poRst delirium post-spring game
- Recruits flipping causing fans to post like "it’s the end times" meng
- A lack of structured guidance through the spiritual turbulence that is Miami Hurricanes football fandom
Solution: ****EmpySays.com™
A one-stop Empyrical Engine that delivers:
The Offseason Muppet Index™ (OMI) – Predicts fanbase meltdowns with 88.3% accuracy after midseason ACC losses
Muppet Tracker – AI bot scrapes CaneInsight to log, tag, and grade all users who invoke “you can't expect top 5 classes” logic
Daily Devotionals from Santo Mario de Christo and Butch DAW GAWD
Mrs. Claus Racing Stripe of the Week – Because even the North Pole gets spicy, bro
PoRst to Prophecy™ Translator – Converts offseason cope into actionable anxiety with a built-in Schnelly Meter™
Market Opportunity
- 1.2M degenerate CFB forum posts annually (conservative estimate)
- 87% of Cane fans statistically confirmed to have "said some wild shizznizzles" by week 3
- 1 in 5 posters identify as "recovering Goldenistas"
- Zero competitors currently provide structured muppet-mitigation as a service (MMaaS™)
Target Personas
- The Nostalgia Monk – believes every answer lies in a VHS of the 2001 Rose Bowl
- The Recruiting Truther – claims every 3-star is “just underrated by the services, bro”
- The ACC-Traumatized Prophet – “ACC can’t quit you baby!” but neither can he
- The Casual Mrs. Claus Enthusiast – strictly in it for the racing stripe updates
Risks & Mitigations
| Risk | Mitigation |
|---|---|
| Empy says something so fire it melts the servers | Host on a Butch-blessed AWS instance |
| Muppets attempt a hostile takeover | Deploy AutoBan™ algorithm using the phrase “we back” as a trigger |
| NCAA sanctions site for excessive truth | Claim tax-exempt status as a religious institution under the Church of Schnellyology |
Conclusion
****EmpySays.com isn’t just a website. It’s a movement. A refuge. A place where muppets fear to tread, and the righteous porsters gather to sip the tea, decode the shizznizzles, and bask in the prophetic glow of Empy’s Truth Torch™.
Next Steps
- Seed content: curate 100 canonical Empy posts (minimum 12 involving Butch in holy terminology)
- Beta test Muppet Index on Fall Camp threads
- Soft launch timed with first scrimmage meltdown
- Get Saint Schnelly’s blessing in holographic form
- @RVACane Can do the
artworkgifwork
Empy Quote to End With:
"The only blueprint you need, meng, is on the dome of the OB written in Golden tears and Butch’s contract buyout."
or
"Where poRsts go to die, and muppets go to get baptized."
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- Mar 2, 2014
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- 12,767
Lost interest when they had Billy at 12The disrespect is real. I have ignored the Top 7 because I’ve never claimed Mario is a top 10 HC but I would only take 3 of these guys over him right now
I mean, Napier?! Schiano?! Give me a break
8. Brian Kelly, LSU
9. Jeff Traylor, UTSA
10. Mike Gundy, Oklahoma St.
11. Barry Odom, Purdue
12. Billy Napier, Florida
13. Kalen DeBoer, Alabama
14. Kyle Whittingham, Utah
15. Jeff Brohm, Louisville
16. Ryan Silverfield, Memphis
17. Kirk Ferentz, Iowa
18. Bret Bielema, Illinois
19. Hugh Freeze, Auburn
20. Matt Campbell, Iowa St.
21. Greg Schiano, Rutgers
22. Jamey Chadwell, Coastal Car
23. Mark Stoops, Kentucky
24. Bronco Mendenhall, Utah St.
25. Willie Fritz, Houston
26. Lincoln Riley, USC
27. Chris Klieman, Kansas St.
28. Dave Doeren, NC State
29. Steve Sarkisian
30. Matt Rhule, Nebraska
Is it the coach or the program? Ranking CFB coaches while factoring in expectations
Is Ryan Day a genius or could anyone win at Ohio State? We break down 20 years of sideline overachievers.www.espn.com
TouchMoney26
Presidente del U
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2018
- Messages
- 2,367
honestly - GameDay coach he is awful, doesn't even talk to the team for the most part during the game- don't ever see him hyping or motivating any players - usually by himself
we are starting to see some key players take us less seriously because Mario isn't doing so well recruiting in the hood or at least in some circles down in south fla, parents are starting to view him diff
from a former player of his, once the recruitment is over and your on the squad he fades away.
hope he isn't to stubborn to fix himself but we all know how stubborn he is
hope he can figure this out and play the right players too
would love to see him more involved with the players on game day and make some good adjustments on his end
we are starting to see some key players take us less seriously because Mario isn't doing so well recruiting in the hood or at least in some circles down in south fla, parents are starting to view him diff
from a former player of his, once the recruitment is over and your on the squad he fades away.
hope he isn't to stubborn to fix himself but we all know how stubborn he is
hope he can figure this out and play the right players too
would love to see him more involved with the players on game day and make some good adjustments on his end
Empirical Cane
We are what we repeatedly do.
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2018
- Messages
- 44,957
CIS Top 3 porst of ALL-TIME.Business Analyst Case Study: ****EmpySays.com
A Disruptive Digital Repository of Muppetological Truths & Postseason Prophecy
Executive Summary
In the immortal words of Saint Schnelly, and His Most Holy Coiffed One: "We ain't just building a website, we're ordaining a cathedral of empiricism, meng."
****EmpySays.com is a digital archive and AI-powered Empy Oracle that curates, categorizes, and canonizes the holy gospel of Empirical Cane — the last rational voice in a sea of offseason delulu and porst-induced hysteria.
The market for fan-site truthbombs, ACC satire, and theological Butchism is underserved, underleveraged, and in desperate need of a righteous cleansing of the muppetry.
Problem Statement
Users across CaneInsight and beyond are plagued by:
- Chronic offseason optimism syndrome (C.O.O.S)
- Outbreaks of poRst delirium post-spring game
- Recruits flipping causing fans to post like "it’s the end times" meng
- A lack of structured guidance through the spiritual turbulence that is Miami Hurricanes football fandom
Solution: ****EmpySays.com™
A one-stop Empyrical Engine that delivers:
Market Opportunity
- 1.2M degenerate CFB forum posts annually (conservative estimate)
- 87% of Cane fans statistically confirmed to have "said some wild shizznizzles" by week 3
- 1 in 5 posters identify as "recovering Goldenistas"
- Zero competitors currently provide structured muppet-mitigation as a service (MMaaS™)
Target Personas
- The Nostalgia Monk – believes every answer lies in a VHS of the 2001 Rose Bowl
- The Recruiting Truther – claims every 3-star is “just underrated by the services, bro”
- The ACC-Traumatized Prophet – “ACC can’t quit you baby!” but neither can he
- The Casual Mrs. Claus Enthusiast – strictly in it for the racing stripe updates
Risks & Mitigations
Risk Mitigation Empy says something so fire it melts the servers Host on a Butch-blessed AWS instance Muppets attempt a hostile takeover Deploy AutoBan™ algorithm using the phrase “we back” as a trigger NCAA sanctions site for excessive truth Claim tax-exempt status as a religious institution under the Church of Schnellyology
Conclusion
****EmpySays.com isn’t just a website. It’s a movement. A refuge. A place where muppets fear to tread, and the righteous porsters gather to sip the tea, decode the shizznizzles, and bask in the prophetic glow of Empy’s Truth Torch™.
Next Steps
- Seed content: curate 100 canonical Empy posts (minimum 12 involving Butch in holy terminology)
- Beta test Muppet Index on Fall Camp threads
- Soft launch timed with first scrimmage meltdown
- Get Saint Schnelly’s blessing in holographic form
- @RVACane Can do the
artworkgifwork
Empy Quote to End With:
"The only blueprint you need, meng, is on the dome of the OB written in Golden tears and Butch’s contract buyout."
or
"Where poRsts go to die, and muppets go to get baptized."
Dare I say approaches Nun **** Thread in greatness.
We are not worthy of you.
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2018
- Messages
- 915
Yall sound like the same **** ******* that were crying to fire Butch after year 4
it takes a little bit so being a little hoe by being negative and impatient before the meal is cooked ain’t going to help. No need to sound like a bunch of women maybe yall need to get your estrogen checked and stop whining and complaining when there ain’t nothing to cry about yet it’s not a video game
Flynell7
Recruit
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2017
- Messages
- 1,069
wtf are you even ranting about, get yo b*tch a$$ on somewhere
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- 2,800
You have to look at the metrics. The list was based on performance (i.e., head coaching record) for all years at all schools. Mario took over an FIU program that was winless the year before, took Oregon over from Willie Taggart, and then came here to rebuild. His overall record is what it is, but he has improved every single program.
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Not that we couldn't/wouldn't have lost the game anyway…But I don't know how he sleeps at night settling for that FG at Cuse.
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- Dec 14, 2013
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- 2,800
I actually have a feeling he doesn’t.
Say what you want about him (no one is perfect and resources are always limited), but i do think he works tirelessly to improve. He might not get it right, or be able to change everything, but he seems to take accountability and try to correct his blind spots. He really wants another ring.
E1k
All ACC
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- Mar 3, 2021
- Messages
- 6,852
Idk who rage baited more, OP or the article title lol
Turns out to be a solid article tho maybe can be used to judge future hires, they are basically weeding out coaches who takeover an already great program to see which coaches have gotten more out of less
Turns out to be a solid article tho maybe can be used to judge future hires, they are basically weeding out coaches who takeover an already great program to see which coaches have gotten more out of less
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- Dec 14, 2013
- Messages
- 2,800
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2011
- Messages
- 53,366
Richt made the list of best of the last 20 years. Think he was 17-18ish
OrangeBowlMagic
CEO
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2014
- Messages
- 19,235
Generally a terrible list obviously but Mario shouldn’t be higher than about 20th or so.
Yes, when he was at Oregon, he was in the top 10 in most of these lists.
But he won a conference championship in year 3, a Rose Bowl, and finished top 5. The next year was Covid but they did win the PAC-12 again and went to another NYC6 game. So, yeah, he was Top 5, Top 10, whatever.
Since then he’s been to a conference championship game once, and lost. In 4 seasons.
But every year here has been much better than the last. I guarantee you if he wins the ACC this year, he’s back pretty high on these lists. But the last year at Oregon was just OK, and then he’s been building here. He doesn’t deserve to be in the Top ~15 right now. The cool part is this is year 4 here and it’s time to win 10+ games, again, and cement yourself on these lists going forward.
Yes, when he was at Oregon, he was in the top 10 in most of these lists.
But he won a conference championship in year 3, a Rose Bowl, and finished top 5. The next year was Covid but they did win the PAC-12 again and went to another NYC6 game. So, yeah, he was Top 5, Top 10, whatever.
Since then he’s been to a conference championship game once, and lost. In 4 seasons.
But every year here has been much better than the last. I guarantee you if he wins the ACC this year, he’s back pretty high on these lists. But the last year at Oregon was just OK, and then he’s been building here. He doesn’t deserve to be in the Top ~15 right now. The cool part is this is year 4 here and it’s time to win 10+ games, again, and cement yourself on these lists going forward.
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Probably based primarily on his inexcusable late game blunders against GT a few years back. That might take a decade to overcome. These listmakers coudn't see themselves "defending" that fiasco by including him.The disrespect is real. I have ignored the Top 7 because I’ve never claimed Mario is a top 10 HC but I would only take 3 of these guys over him right now
I mean, Napier?! Schiano?! Give me a break
8. Brian Kelly, LSU
9. Jeff Traylor, UTSA
10. Mike Gundy, Oklahoma St.
11. Barry Odom, Purdue
12. Billy Napier, Florida
13. Kalen DeBoer, Alabama
14. Kyle Whittingham, Utah
15. Jeff Brohm, Louisville
16. Ryan Silverfield, Memphis
17. Kirk Ferentz, Iowa
18. Bret Bielema, Illinois
19. Hugh Freeze, Auburn
20. Matt Campbell, Iowa St.
21. Greg Schiano, Rutgers
22. Jamey Chadwell, Coastal Car
23. Mark Stoops, Kentucky
24. Bronco Mendenhall, Utah St.
25. Willie Fritz, Houston
26. Lincoln Riley, USC
27. Chris Klieman, Kansas St.
28. Dave Doeren, NC State
29. Steve Sarkisian
30. Matt Rhule, Nebraska
Is it the coach or the program? Ranking CFB coaches while factoring in expectations
Is Ryan Day a genius or could anyone win at Ohio State? We break down 20 years of sideline overachievers.
Gocanes1990
Junior
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2021
- Messages
- 1,972
The same guy who didn’t take a knee vs GT. Got out coached by Fran brown and Brent Key isn’t a top 30, coach!?!
