RightSaidFred
Be cool, don’t be culo
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2018
- Messages
- 5,327
OK, let me ask you if THIS paragraph reads any better for Chad Swofford's resume:
In 2003, Chad Swofford worked for less than one year as a Brand Management Intern for Nike. In October 2003, the ACC extended a single invitation for a school to join the ACC as a new member. That invitation was extended to Boston College University ("Boston College"). Shortly thereafter, Swofford's son, Chad Swofford, was offered a job working as Assistant Director of Sports Marketing in the Boston College Athletic Department.
Is that any better for the Swoffords or the ACC? How did Chad go from interning to "Assistant Director of Sports Marketing" for a P5 school?
I think my amended paragraph is FAR WORSE than the original one, at least for the ACC, because it now looks like Chad's ENTIRE CAREER is the product of nepotism, not just his time at Raycom.
View attachment 281452
Your paragraph is far better.
I’m not caping for the ACC at all, I just did notice that a lot of the language they used is sloppy.