Who was the cat in the white Suburban...

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Kenneth has magical hands.

He can turn a normal man into Mitch Gaylord.
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What do you mean by “companion”?

Kenneth is my best friend in the whole wide world but we are both 100% heterosexual.

If my wife/girlfriend /fiance found out my best friend gives me full body massage every Saturday at half-time, I highly doubt she would rate me at 100% heterosexual. Having said that, to each their own and more power to you. Enjoy your boys greasy hands as long as you're a cane all good in my book.
 
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The OP left the part out about how he was asked to leave the Holiday Inn- Christiansburg after repeatedly singing this at the top of his lungs (on the advice of Kenneth) at 2am outside of the general vicinity of where he thinks his mystery man was staying. It was both beautiful and scary for everyone that witnessed it:

 
The OP left the part out about how he was asked to leave the Holiday Inn- Christiansburg after repeatedly singing this at the top of his lungs (on the advice of Kenneth) at 2am outside of the general vicinity of where he thinks his mystery man was staying. It was both beautiful and scary for everyone that witnessed it:



Funny story, I ate a chick out to that song on Tybee Island, GA after graduating highschool back in 96.

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