Worst I ever went to was in Portland, Oregon (most ****y bars per capita in US, believe it or not). I think it was called the Pirates Cove or something like that. The actual building was shaped like one those big jugs of booze you see in cartoons (the jugs usually marked with *** and a skull). Anyways, it was a Wed afternoon probably 3 PM and me and a couple buddies walk in. Place looks empty except a sad-eyed bartender and a middle aged woman mopping the floor. She looked like she'd been ridden hard and put away wet. City miles on that vehicle, not highway miles, if you get my drift. Anyways we look around and I say out loud, "looks like they aren't open yet" and the old gal mopping the floor says, "Oh give me a sec" sets the mop against the counter, takes off her top and goes on stage. Of course my buddies thought it was hilarious and kept giving her money to give me some "extra special lap dances." I'm pretty sure a crab climbed out of her cooch and pinched my nose.
