*WINDOWS SHATTERING
“Bah Gwad! ITS JHALLS MUSIC!”
It’s time to put down that soy milk and pick up those TREN shakes…we got some **** to discuss mother****ers!
If last week were a meme it would be this:
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I’m not one to mince words…the **** was rough
We finally got into LIV and then we grabbed a glass of water and chewed on ice until 3am and found the bachelorette party straggler with the broken heel and the smeared mascara. Yeah we ****ed…but we would prefer no one know about it
Well it’s a new week and a new challenge and we can right the ship by going on the road and disrespecting the city of Raleigh, NC the epicenter of the Confederate Army during the Civil War
Well guess what pussies, General Reuben Sherman Bain is on his way, and you better lock your ****** doors
Here’s why we win:
Tyler Van Dyke: I’m not gonna bull****…that was the ugliest QB performance I’ve seen since Kirnobyl, ironically against NCST. If I could describe TVDs season in one movie it would be Me, Myself, and Irene. I don’t know what will happen but what I know we NEED is Big **** Energy Hank throwing lasers with one arm, and twirling his baby arm like Billy the Kid. This game is a crossroads for him and his future here. Cmon kid.
Dawson: He must feel like he’s been trying to teach ancient philosophy to a miniature poodle lately. Nothing seems to be sinking in. I do not absolve the coach, if anything the pressure is on him even more. This dude better be playing with a Ouija board this week and channeling his inner Hannibal Barca. We ****** need it.
Mark Fletcher: the running back room is a real ***** to evaluate. I’ve got no idea who can play or who will. What I do know is this guy is the biggest threat on the team if he’s healthy. I look for a TD from him after he pulls a Fred Astaire on NCST safety in the middle of the field
Bane: Forget The Shape from Halloween. All you’re gonna hear is some heavy breathing and then the lights go out
Branson Deen: I don’t want to overplay his ability but adding another disruptive element to Bain and LT gives us another force up front and we need as much as we can get. Like the pickles on a perfect Cuban Sandwich, his presence goes a long way
James Williams: NCST force feeds their freshman WR more than John Holmes did unhinging jaws in the 70s. But much like John, that approach can only last so long before it flops for good. Look for James Williams to let this kid know, before, during, after, on his way to his mommas car after the game, next year, at his graduation, at every one of his future kids birthdays etc
Verdict:
The Canes are in must win territory. If there’s a fanbase that disrespects a 6-2 team more than ours does, I would need to see it
We aren’t a pretty team, but we are a tough team. Much like Tyson Fury, this team doesn’t have abs, but it’s got enough juice and enough balls to win games like this now
Good Guys 27
Bad Guys. 17
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