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- Mar 7, 2012
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- 21,161
Let's journey back to January, eh PLAYERS?
A time when rumors of Applewhite, Fedora, and the Clemson guy swirled like turds down a toilet. A time of hope and optimism. It took Mandy a while to make his OC hire, as he claimed no one would care about the timeline as long as he "got it right." Well, spoiler alert amigo, ya ******* got it dead *** wrong, BROTHER.
Anyway, his awful decision aside, here's what Manny was pumping out about his potential OC hire at the time:
Welp. That was a ******* lie.
Let's break this down. As you know, we are none of these things Mandy claimed to desire on offense, and I'm still not sure why he hired Dan Penos if these were his goals, as Penos' offense is not, and has never been, any of these things. Instead, we're marching out what looks to be some random NY Giants offense from 1993 on most plays, and we occasionally mix in some painfully telegraphed end arounds every now and then if we're REALLY feeling crazy. Wow, Dan, so edgy.
So, let's situate ourselves in the present and see where we stand. We know what Mandy claimed to want, and we see with our own god damned eyeballs we are the opposite of that, but how about quantitive data on the subject? Is Penos as bad as he seems?
Our offense vs FBS teams this season:
94th in plays run
79th in yards per play
95th in total yards
104th in points scored
128th in 3rd down conversions
113th in redzone TD percentage
125th in redzone scoring percentage
Oooookay, wow, holy shlt-- so it's even worse than I thought. What the fvck, Dan? Jesus. So we're not fast, innovative, or cutting-edge. We run a slow pace, we can't score, can't move the ball, and can't convert to sustain drives. Alright then.
Tough to shake off those repulsive numbers but let's try to not let permanent failure and *** ******* Dan Penos derail this post.
Now, back to the matter at hand: Mandy also commented on his OC hire that he wanted an offense that was exciting enough to attract recruits and keep kids home. I ask you, if you're a WR or RB from the great God's country and football powerhouse of Broward County, do you want to come play for this offense after watching the Pitt game or would you rather have all your pubes plucked out one-by-one while blowing your dad in broad daylight? Exactly. Me too.
So Mandy finds himself flailing around in year 1 with a 4-4 record and arguably the worst offense of any Power 5 progrum. The real kicker? Vs FBS teams, Mandy's defense is top 25 in every category listed above except for opponents 3rd down conversions.
What does this mean? If Mandy didn't completely shlt his guayabera on the OC hire, he is looking at a much better season right now and those Touchdown Rings look a lot less ridiculous and the Canes Air Force is firmly grounded in their hangars.
Mandy screwed up as a new head coach, but where does he go from here? That brings us to the big question of my post. Mandy is at a crossroads right now. This offseason, he has the choice of either becoming Al Golden, or giving himself a fighting chance to actually have a successful career at Miami. Al Golden also found himself stuck with a terrible coordinator hire whose unit checked in around the 90s or worse in almost every category, and he refused to adapt and make a change. He's cleaning urinals for the Lions now.
The truly elite, championship-winning coaches like Urban and Saban would pull the plug on their own grandmothers to land a recruit. They'd run a bus full of orphans off of a cliff to secure a title. Winning requires you to be cutthroat and able to recognize when you've made a mistake. But you also need to be capable eliminating that mistake and eradicating the rot swiftly and decisively. Mandy doesn't have time to have bad seasons as a new coach, especially not when he's been here now for 4 seasons in some capacity. There is no time to waste.
Is Mandy a ruthless badass capable of making the tough decision necessary to save his career and this progrum, or is he a moron that will stay loyal to Penos, ignore what's in front of him, and instead opt to blame the players and execution, refusing to rectify his mistake in enough time to stop the bleeding?
Mandy has two choices in the coming months:
He can make the move of an elite level head coach by giving a nod to the executioner and allowing the sword to swing, ending the Penos era and clearing the way for him to hire the type of OC he claimed to originally want; or he can be too stubborn/stupid to realize the disease that must be eliminated in order for him to have a chance to succeed.
I fear it'll be the latter, but for the sake of our dying progrum, I hope he stuns us all and sends Dan Penos back to the depths of 1990's football **** where he belongs-- otherwise, we'll be firing up another head coaching search very soon.
A time when rumors of Applewhite, Fedora, and the Clemson guy swirled like turds down a toilet. A time of hope and optimism. It took Mandy a while to make his OC hire, as he claimed no one would care about the timeline as long as he "got it right." Well, spoiler alert amigo, ya ******* got it dead *** wrong, BROTHER.
Anyway, his awful decision aside, here's what Manny was pumping out about his potential OC hire at the time:
Welp. That was a ******* lie.
Let's break this down. As you know, we are none of these things Mandy claimed to desire on offense, and I'm still not sure why he hired Dan Penos if these were his goals, as Penos' offense is not, and has never been, any of these things. Instead, we're marching out what looks to be some random NY Giants offense from 1993 on most plays, and we occasionally mix in some painfully telegraphed end arounds every now and then if we're REALLY feeling crazy. Wow, Dan, so edgy.
So, let's situate ourselves in the present and see where we stand. We know what Mandy claimed to want, and we see with our own god damned eyeballs we are the opposite of that, but how about quantitive data on the subject? Is Penos as bad as he seems?
Our offense vs FBS teams this season:
94th in plays run
79th in yards per play
95th in total yards
104th in points scored
128th in 3rd down conversions
113th in redzone TD percentage
125th in redzone scoring percentage
Oooookay, wow, holy shlt-- so it's even worse than I thought. What the fvck, Dan? Jesus. So we're not fast, innovative, or cutting-edge. We run a slow pace, we can't score, can't move the ball, and can't convert to sustain drives. Alright then.
Tough to shake off those repulsive numbers but let's try to not let permanent failure and *** ******* Dan Penos derail this post.
Now, back to the matter at hand: Mandy also commented on his OC hire that he wanted an offense that was exciting enough to attract recruits and keep kids home. I ask you, if you're a WR or RB from the great God's country and football powerhouse of Broward County, do you want to come play for this offense after watching the Pitt game or would you rather have all your pubes plucked out one-by-one while blowing your dad in broad daylight? Exactly. Me too.
So Mandy finds himself flailing around in year 1 with a 4-4 record and arguably the worst offense of any Power 5 progrum. The real kicker? Vs FBS teams, Mandy's defense is top 25 in every category listed above except for opponents 3rd down conversions.
What does this mean? If Mandy didn't completely shlt his guayabera on the OC hire, he is looking at a much better season right now and those Touchdown Rings look a lot less ridiculous and the Canes Air Force is firmly grounded in their hangars.
Mandy screwed up as a new head coach, but where does he go from here? That brings us to the big question of my post. Mandy is at a crossroads right now. This offseason, he has the choice of either becoming Al Golden, or giving himself a fighting chance to actually have a successful career at Miami. Al Golden also found himself stuck with a terrible coordinator hire whose unit checked in around the 90s or worse in almost every category, and he refused to adapt and make a change. He's cleaning urinals for the Lions now.
The truly elite, championship-winning coaches like Urban and Saban would pull the plug on their own grandmothers to land a recruit. They'd run a bus full of orphans off of a cliff to secure a title. Winning requires you to be cutthroat and able to recognize when you've made a mistake. But you also need to be capable eliminating that mistake and eradicating the rot swiftly and decisively. Mandy doesn't have time to have bad seasons as a new coach, especially not when he's been here now for 4 seasons in some capacity. There is no time to waste.
Is Mandy a ruthless badass capable of making the tough decision necessary to save his career and this progrum, or is he a moron that will stay loyal to Penos, ignore what's in front of him, and instead opt to blame the players and execution, refusing to rectify his mistake in enough time to stop the bleeding?
Mandy has two choices in the coming months:
He can make the move of an elite level head coach by giving a nod to the executioner and allowing the sword to swing, ending the Penos era and clearing the way for him to hire the type of OC he claimed to originally want; or he can be too stubborn/stupid to realize the disease that must be eliminated in order for him to have a chance to succeed.
I fear it'll be the latter, but for the sake of our dying progrum, I hope he stuns us all and sends Dan Penos back to the depths of 1990's football **** where he belongs-- otherwise, we'll be firing up another head coaching search very soon.
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