Thanks for the alternatives, you seem to be a great cook... the problem is that I love heat, so I indulge when I go to restaurants... also I love okra and slime too.... plus she doesn't like sausage either... she's actually a major pain when it comes to food, I tell her all the time and she agrees.
Getting back to the shrimp creole and grits, she loves it when I make it. I sauté the usual: onions, bell peppers, garlic, various dry spices, parsley, white wine reduction, lemon zest. The tomato sauce I use is a little marinara sauce which I usually have an open bottle of good stuff in the fridge. I use only fresh jumbo shrimp and for flavor I add fresh juice-filled little neck clams. My trick and one of my secret ingredients is approx. one teaspoon of the stuff below... not too much so she doesn't feel real heat but instead just a little sweet spice.