Nothing to apologize for! APS is nuts, and most people have never heard of it. I don’t understand why they don’t test all pregnant women for it when it’s a simple blood test. I didn’t get diagnosed (by an rheumatologist!) until a year and a half ago, and we now know that it caused a pregnancy loss, and severe postpartum eclampsia with my second pregnancy. My son and I were both incredibly lucky to have survived my pregnancy, but it also left me permanently disabled (coma, status epilepticus, tons of brain damage, heart attack, thalamic stroke, and so much more since, as I’m sure you can relate…). I had to teach myself to read all over again and I don’t really remember most of my kid’s first few years (he’s 8 now).
It’s true that this stuff makes you very introspective though. I was such a workaholic before all this happened that sometimes I think there’s a blessing in that at least I’m forced to have so much time with my son now. I definitely would have been a very different parent had I stayed healthy and was working the grind.
Take care of yourself, and feel free to reach out whenever you need to talk or vent! I get the ups and downs of disability, and so much of it is mental. (Being allergic to Heparin though - yikes!) I wish the best for you and yours as well, my friend!