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The More You Know...About Florida State

The More You Know...About Florida State

Dan E. Dangerously
Dan E. Dangerously
Series:
It’s Florida State week. The 12th ranked Hurricanes host the clown shoes program from Tallahassee.

TheMoreYouKnow.jpg


We started the year unranked, and now after 2 wins we are 12th. College football is weird. And like sands through the hour-glass, a hot start in Coral Gables means people in the national media are starting to write “iZ dA ewE bACk?” articles. These things are so stupid. I haven’t even read them, but I guarantee they make dumbass 80s and 90s references because it’s been so long since we were good. Like 2001 didn’t happen. Like we weren’t ranked in the top 10 throughout each season until 2006 after that. Like 2017 didn’t happen. Let alone the fact that these dumbass articles have been written a million times over and always end with the same conclusion. We won’t be back until we win another title.

Whatever. Don’t pay any attention to positive press, because they will be the first people to **** on us when we lose a game or 2. Just be glad that it’s helping our national perception after the way last year ended. The only reason the media is hyping us up is because they need marquee names while the Big 10 and SEC haven’t started playing. They expect us to lose to Clemson and they just want a high ranked matchup so they can discard us later.

Enough of my bitching. This is a rivalry game. Rivalries are about hate. This is hate week. Here’s this week’s anthem.



1. Where they are in the standings/rankings:

standings.png


it's crazy to see the divisions gone and Notre Dame listed among us. And it feels pretty damn good to see us ranked and near the top of the standings, while FSU is unranked and near the bottom. That’s what happens when you lose your season opener against the team picked to finish last in the conference. Still, we need to stay focused because we can’t overlook this cupcake on our schedule and get caught looking ahead to Clemson. Here's what the Jackets said about them:


From: From the Rumble Seat

Jeff Cramer said:
... FSU was putting together another steady drive but Tech’s defense stood its ground on their side of the field and forced a fumble on a 4th down run by Blackman. FSU had been perfect on 4th down conversions to that point. Tech focused on using Mason to try and burn out the clock and FSU’s timeouts. Mason started well with the first two runs but several penalties backed Tech up to far and they settled with a punt with just under 2 minutes remaining. In the defense’s best series of the night they forced FSU into three incompletions with good pressure on the QB. Tech reclaimed possession after and with FSU having no timeouts left took the victory formation. FSU surrender cobras were aplenty among the stands....


coralsnake.jpg


EhwjRx7WAAATOJy.jpg


Ehw3sv-WAAAL4PZ.jpg


lol.jpg


eatshitnole.jpg


It was a sad day in Noleville. Here's what the game looked like:



Sucks to suck.


2. What happened the last time Miami played FSU?

13DJ.jpg


From the AP:

…Miami (5-4, 3-3 Atlantic Coast Conference) kept Florida State pinned down most of the game, holding the Seminoles to just 203 offensive yards. Rousseau led the party and five Hurricanes had a sack apiece against Florida State, which had never before given up nine sacks in a game in school history. "I'm proud of all of those guys," said Miami linebacker Shaq Quarterman, who led the team with nine tackles and had 3.5 tackles for loss. "I think they did a tremendous job. I think everybody probably came out with a sack today." It only seemed like it. And the Hurricanes had more than enough offense to make sure that the seniors went 3-1 against their rivals while securing their most lopsided win over Florida State since 2001. Freshman Jarren Williams completed 21 of 37 passes for a season-best 313 yards and two touchdowns, connecting with Dee Wiggins on a 56-yard touchdown and Jeff Thomas on a 39-yard score….

shrug.jpg


Poor Willie got fired after this game. Now he’s at FAU (Salute the Hoot), and they still owe him ~$17 million on his buyout. We dominated these dopes all day long last year. Gregory Rousseau had approximately eleventy-billion sacks that day. We haven’t had as much success at getting to the qb so far this year, but their OL is still butt cheese so this week should be food for our defense. What a shitshow these guys are. **** FSU. 4 in a row soon come.

3. Who to be scared of:

Wilson.jpg


Marvin Wilson


This fat tub of goo is FSU’s best player. He’s gotten more attention for running his mouth off the field than anything he’s actually accomplished on it. Whether he’s calling out Greg Rousseau for quitting on his team, or calling out his head coach for being a liar, he can’t help but attract attention. He’s also pretty damn good. Below are his highlights from 2019, but that’s just what I’m told because our horrible OL from last year put him on a milk carton.



4. Player that will score against us:

Terry.jpg


Tamorrion Terry

Terry is by far the biggest (and probably only) person to worry about on offense. He got loose against us in 2018, but Bandy and Ivey teamed up to make him a non-factor last year. His biggest claim to fame is his stupid Scary Terry mask.


tamorrion-terry-mask.jpg


Just the epitome of cringe. Hopefully we have something better for him than making Bolden do everything. Here’s his highlights from last year.



5. Some other guy:

asante.jpg


Asante Samuel, Jr.


I really wanted him when he came out of St. Thomas Aquinas a few years ago, and he’s developed into damn good college corner for FSU. He’s just another in a long line of misses at corner for us over the past 5 years. Oh well. None of our receivers are that dangerous, so I expect him to do a good job locking up whoever he lines up against. He might even be tasked with covering Jordan. He already has 2 picks this year from their only game. Here’s his highlights from last year.



6. Person that will piss you off:

04c926aa6df88c235a03f2fd59f9274b.jpg


James Blackman

This guy’s greatest accomplishment is having his leg used as an air guitar by Kendrick Norton. He sucks as a player and as a person. For one, he nearly sparked a brawl in 2018 when he stood over an injured Jeff Thomas after a dirty tackle. Then he tried to pick a fight after that game and ran away scared when Gerald Willis showed up.


**** him, he has no highlights.

7. If FSU were an episode of Community, they would be:

MurderMe.gif


Episode 605: Laws of Robotics & Party Rights

…Frankie calls a meeting of the Save Greendale Committee to discuss a financial opportunity for the school. As they wait, Britta asks Annie and Abed if she can throw a party at the apartment. She objects when told any party has to be kept to a maximum of eight guests. Jeff interrupts to point out the arrival of a Teleprescence robot with Frankie's face on the tablet. She starts her presentation on the device before entering the room. She tells everyone that the Department of Corrections will pay the school $300,000 in funding if they'll allow Convicts to attend via the robots. Pelton objects at first until Jeff convinces him it's a good idea. Afterwards, Frankie, Dean Pelton and Jeff oversee the activation of the robots and introduce the convicts to the campus...

Circumventing rules on crowd size? -Check

Prominent person teleconferencing said event via tablet? -Check again

Covidiot.jpg


So FSU students ignored Covid precautions last week against Georgia Tech. This week 21% of students and staff tested positive. Their head coach has tested positive for the ‘Rona, but I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. Now he’ll be coaching from home via his Toshiba Handibook, because their school is too broke to afford iPads. Congratulations, FSU, you’ve only played 1 game and still Britta’d your season already. FSU is the worst.

Now that I think about it, between Scary Terry and this, FSU is basically Dan Harmon’s greatest hits. If FSU ever gets rid of their racist mascot and logo, they should just go ahead and become the Greendale Human Beings.

humanbeing.jpg


tumblr_e9993cd067cb806258617e08b8942faf_1427b62a_500.gif


I must say that logo is already pretty apt.

8. Official Internet meme for this game:

Frustrated Florida State Dad

RacistFSUDad.png


 

Comments (56)

It’s Florida State week. The 12th ranked Hurricanes host the clown shoes program from Tallahassee.

View attachment 131075

We started the year unranked, and now after 2 wins we are 12th. College football is weird. And like sands through the hour-glass, a hot start in Coral Gables means people in the national media are starting to write “iZ dA ewE bACk?” articles. These things are so stupid. I haven’t even read them, but I guarantee they make dumbass 80s and 90s references because it’s been so long since we were good. Like 2001 didn’t happen. Like we weren’t ranked in the top 10 throughout each season until 2006 after that. Like 2017 didn’t happen. Let alone the fact that these dumbass articles have been written a million times over and always end with the same conclusion. We won’t be back until we win another title.

Whatever. Don’t pay any attention to positive press, because they will be the first people to **** on us when we lose a game or 2. Just be glad that it’s helping our national perception after the way last year ended. The only reason the media is hyping us up is because they need marquee names while the Big 10 and SEC haven’t started playing. They expect us to lose to Clemson and they just want a high ranked matchup so they can discard us later.

Enough of my bitching. This is a rivalry game. Rivalries are about hate. This is hate week. Here’s this week’s anthem.



1. Where they are in the standings/rankings:

View attachment 131076

it's crazy to see the divisions gone and Notre Dame listed among us. And it feels pretty damn good to see us ranked and near the top of the standings, while FSU is unranked and near the bottom. That’s what happens when you lose your season opener against the team picked to finish last in the conference. Still, we need to stay focused because we can’t overlook this cupcake on our schedule and get caught looking ahead to Clemson. Here's what the Jackets said about them:


From: From the Rumble Seat




View attachment 131077

View attachment 131078

View attachment 131079

View attachment 131080

View attachment 131081

It was a sad day in Noleville. Here's what the game looked like:



Sucks to suck.


2. What happened the last time Miami played FSU?

View attachment 131096

From the AP:



View attachment 131084

Poor Willie got fired after this game. Now he’s at FAU (Salute the Hoot), and they still owe him ~$17 million on his buyout. We dominated these dopes all day long last year. Gregory Rousseau had approximately eleventy-billion sacks that day. We haven’t had as much success at getting to the qb so far this year, but their OL is still butt cheese so this week should be food for our defense. What a shitshow these guys are. **** FSU. 4 in a row soon come.

3. Who to be scared of:

View attachment 131085

Marvin Wilson


This fat tub of goo is FSU’s best player. He’s gotten more attention for running his mouth off the field than anything he’s actually accomplished on it. Whether he’s calling out Greg Rousseau for quitting on his team, or calling out his head coach for being a liar, he can’t help but attract attention. He’s also pretty damn good. Below are his highlights from 2019, but that’s just what I’m told because our horrible OL from last year put him on a milk carton.



4. Player that will score against us:

View attachment 131086

Tamorrion Terry

Terry is by far the biggest (and probably only) person to worry about on offense. He got loose against us in 2018, but Bandy and Ivey teamed up to make him a non-factor last year. His biggest claim to fame is his stupid Scary Terry mask.


View attachment 131087

Just the epitome of cringe. Hopefully we have something better for him than making Bolden do everything. Here’s his highlights from last year.



5. Some other guy:

View attachment 131088

Asante Samuel, Jr.


I really wanted him when he came out of St. Thomas Aquinas a few years ago, and he’s developed into damn good college corner for FSU. He’s just another in a long line of misses at corner for us over the past 5 years. Oh well. None of our receivers are that dangerous, so I expect him to do a good job locking up whoever he lines up against. He might even be tasked with covering Jordan. He already has 2 picks this year from their only game. Here’s his highlights from last year.



6. Person that will piss you off:

View attachment 131090

James Blackman

This guy’s greatest accomplishment is having his leg used as an air guitar by Kendrick Norton. He sucks as a player and as a person. For one, he nearly sparked a brawl in 2018 when he stood over an injured Jeff Thomas after a dirty tackle. Then he tried to pick a fight after that game and ran away scared when Gerald Willis showed up.


**** him, he has no highlights.

7. If FSU were an episode of Community, they would be:

View attachment 131091

Episode 605: Laws of Robotics & Party Rights



Circumventing rules on crowd size? -Check

Prominent person teleconferencing said event via tablet? -Check again

View attachment 131092

So FSU students ignored Covid precautions last week against Georgia Tech. This week 21% of students and staff tested positive. Their head coach has tested positive for the ‘Rona, but I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. Now he’ll be coaching from home via his Toshiba Handibook, because their school is too broke to afford iPads. Congratulations, FSU, you’ve only played 1 game and still Britta’d your season already. FSU is the worst.

Now that I think about it, between Scary Terry and this, FSU is basically Dan Harmon’s greatest hits. If FSU ever gets rid of their racist mascot and logo, they should just go ahead and become the Greendale Human Beings.

View attachment 131093

View attachment 131094

I must say that logo is already pretty apt.

8. Official Internet meme for this game:

Frustrated Florida State Dad

View attachment 131095

funny goat GIF
 

2022 Commits

QB
6'4"
205
Valdosta, GA

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