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Thoughts From the Bench Press: Virginia Tech

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For some reason, this line had me
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"Much like the bus that will bring VT to the stadium on Saturday, this week is a SHORT one!"
 
starting to see what it's gonna take to beat us ... va tech has some pieces, but they haven't played well enough to get it done
 
BigDikDaddyFromCincinnati said:
I’ve never been prouder as a CiS porster than I am right now reading all these Nina Hartley comments. I thought a lot of you were wimpy millennial/Gen Z weirdos who never knew that women once had pubic hair. I was wrong. I’m so **** proud of my brethren.
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It’s like sharing a history book where the pages are stuck together
 
JHallCanes said:
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Happy Thursday my fellow Canes Bros and Broettes!

The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. The smell of coffee and cocaine fills the air. Drink it in.

Much like the bus that will bring VT to the stadium on Saturday, this week is a SHORT one!

So grab that shaker cup, make awkward eye contact with the glute raise chick, and hit a bump that would make people that were against Cam Ward cringe, because it’s fucccccciiiinnnn BENCH DAY BABY!

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Fresh off the success of “Adopt a Low T Poster” week, the board has slowly been opening up to reality. Each week that goes by we read less and less about being prepared and overlooking opponents as people begin to accept what’s happening here

The only “trap game” talk these days is when we do barbell shrugs in the mirror and say **** to ourselves that would make Buffalo Bill blush

Our fans are awakening from their slumber and we are getting arrogant again. We can sense the rest of college football looking over their shoulder for the Boogeyman. The sleeping giant. The U.

We are gonna pack The Rock with more passion and energy than Lawrence Taylor and Marion Barry at 3am in the penthouse suite of Caesars Palace

We are the class of the ACC. Finally.

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Last week we continued our Ted Bundy-esque reign of terror in the state of Florida when we walked into USF territory and castrated the Bulls in front of their families. We heard all week about how tough they played Alabama and they tried to lure us into a fight

50-15

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Nuff said

This week we take a pause break to focus our attention to the real prize: The ACC

20 years since Miami joined this conference and not one **** time have we been crowned outright champion. That changes starting this week

First stop: The Hokies

Seriously. Has there ever been a more fitting term for a fan of a team than this? Hokie. The word just screams fuccin nerd. Their coach went to the University of Buffalo and got a degree in History.

Seriously, History?

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There’s not really much to say about them. They’ve got a mid QB that will probably run for a few annoying first downs. They’ve got a legit DE that used to be a Gator which they probably could have used Week 1

But let’s be honest this game is all about us and our offense. Seriously the last time Virginia Tech faced firepower like this was….well you can Google it I don’t want to push my luck with the mods too far

The VT defensive coordinator is going to wake up on Friday morning like this:

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Here’s why we open up ACC play with a message to the conference:

Cam: The talent. The audacity. The work ethic. He makes everything look so easy. Cam Ward is to playing QB what Nina Hartley is to fuccin. Both seem to have taken as many reps in their respective sports as the other and they make the magnificent appear effortless. Enjoy his time here while we can

Sam Brown: Eminem currently working on the follow up track: Forgot About Sam. After a somewhat uneven start to his career here, Brown showed off exactly why people were so excited to get him. I think he’s settling in and with the focus elsewhere, Sam shows up big

Baron: The guy is a cyborg. He stunts like Baby and Lil Wayne. He bull rushes like a New York Jet when Rex Ryan was the coach. His stats absolutely do not tell the story of how dominant he has been this year. He’s the best DE in this game and he’s going to make sure he reminds everyone of it

OJ: Nicknamed “OJ” because he steals souls and gets away with it. Clamps. Every week this mfer Kaiser Sozes us because we hear his name pregame and then “poof…he’s gone”. This week some poor soul challenges him and he gets an INT.


Verdict: It’s a tough scrappy team up there in Virginia. That’s code for trash. They’ve got some guys that can play on both sides but yet again, this game is about us. The only team that can beat Miami right now is Miami, and it just ain’t gonna happen

Dear ACC

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Good guys 48
Bad guys 13


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Good work, Sir.
I have to admit I was somewhat taken aback by the Nina Hartley reference.
Had to double-check this wasn't a reference to our former TE coach.
 
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Another week, another bad match up. This is how it breaks down on some key metrics

Yards Per Play: Miami averages 8.83 ypp (2nd) and Hokies give up 5.33 ypp (68th). Offensively, they are averaging 5.69 ypp (82nd). Miami gives up 3.98 ypp (10th).

3rd Downs: Miami converts .643 of their 3rd downs, tops in the nation by a lot. Virginia Tech’s 3rd down defense is ranked 47th with a .339 rate. For context, USF was ranked higher in this metric. Defensively, Miami is ranked 8th in 3rd downs stop rate while VT is ranked 62nd in success rate at .417

Sacks per game: this is the best data point for VT. They are tied for 10th in the country with 3.25 sacks per game. The problem for them is we are allowing only .75 sacks per game and rank tied for 18th nationally in sacks surrendered. Something has gotta give. The inverse for them should be terrifying: Miami is tied for 1st nationally with 4 sacks/ game and VT OL is ranked 106th with 2.5 sacks surrendered per game.

If you can’t move the ball with a non explosive offense, you can’t convert on 3rd downs to extend drives, and you can’t protect your QB then you have another recipe for murder.

Barring ridiculous penalties and turnovers (unpredictable), give me Miami 52-17
 
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JHallCanes said:
That field goal is gonna be enough to **** me off
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you and me both haha. realistically speaking, spread went form 16.5 to 19.5 last i saw yesterday. looks like money is coming in hard on UM to cover easily. i dont doubt it and this time i dont think we fall apart in conference play like last year.
 
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