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Thoughts From the Bench Press: USF

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JHallCanes said:
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I know it’s September 12th but #neverforget

Now that we got that **** out of the way…it’s about that time of the week again babyyyyy it’s mutha****in BENCH DAYYYYYY

I’m getting that itch again. Not from “Alize” over at Tootsies, but that tingling in my loins that means it’s almost time for another Hurricane warning

The Top 5 Miami Hurricanes…inject that **** into my veins (and my nose)

View attachment 335293

Our business expense/charity game is over. We gave back to the poor and are keeping Bethune alive for another year but now it’s time to get back to serious football. We escaped that game relatively unscathed which was the only goal.

View attachment 335294

Once again Miami finds itself in front of the home crowd as we welcome in the South Florida Bulls. USF is fresh off a hilariously ugly win over the Florida Gators, the most overhyped team coming into this season I’ve ever seen.

USF: “We beat Floriduh!”

Miami:

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Imagine beating this guy 18-16 and thinking it’s an accomplishment

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But seriously…

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There’s a saying in the south:

“Bless their hearts”

It’s not a compliment

Its what we say to people online that brag about being “natty”

USF is feeling themselves more than a teenager home alone figuring out he is picking up the Spice Channel unscrambled

And much like that kid, once this one is over they’re going to be full of shame and regret

THIS is why Miami puts USF in a cuck chair:


Carson Beck: He already put one overrated green and gold team in their place so now it’s time to take care of the twin. His accuracy this season has been borderline laughable. If Cam Ward was Billy the Kid then Carson Beck is Simo Häyhä, and for double bonus points Simo’s nickname was “White Death”. There is absolutely no way USFs defense can stop this sniper from feasting.

Bain: Only team that can stop Hurricane Bain at this point is PETA because this ************ is clubbing offensive tackles like baby seals. I expect the USF OL postgame dinner will resemble the Cavinders Thanksgiving…a lot of hurricane PTSD to go around

Fletcher: If Amber Lynn were a running back, she would probably be Mark Fletcher. It’s not pretty but it’s enthusiastic. **** it’s downright ugly but it shows up every game and delivers the stats. We’ve seen plenty of meteoric running backs flame out after a big run or two, but Fletch continues to put up the stats. I expect him to dominate.

The entire OL:

View attachment 335302

That’s it. That’s the caption.


Verdict:

USF is a worthy foe. Two solid wins against decent teams to start the season but they’re about to get a dose of reality this week

View attachment 335303

Mario has been jerking off with 8 grit sandpaper for 4 years waiting for this team. Tuff and fizzical. Mario doesn’t get the oil changed in his vehicles he just opens the cap and spits in it. 7 OL and a middle finger is his dream

Fitting that we are on CW alongside the latest Superman show because Mario wants to dominate this one in a phone booth

I expect it to be a little closer at halftime than the game really is but it’s just too much of a grind for USF to keep up

The Bulls will be watching Arrow reruns from this POV by the time the game is in the 4th quarter

View attachment 335304

Seriously though…

View attachment 335305
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Good guys 34
Bad guys 14

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Click to expand...
Laughed out loud. Standard met. Nice work.
 
JHallCanes said:
View attachment 335291
View attachment 335308

View attachment 335292

I know it’s September 12th but #neverforget

Now that we got that **** out of the way…it’s about that time of the week again babyyyyy it’s mutha****in BENCH DAYYYYYY

I’m getting that itch again. Not from “Alize” over at Tootsies, but that tingling in my loins that means it’s almost time for another Hurricane warning

The Top 5 Miami Hurricanes…inject that **** into my veins (and my nose)

View attachment 335293

Our business expense/charity game is over. We gave back to the poor and are keeping Bethune alive for another year but now it’s time to get back to serious football. We escaped that game relatively unscathed which was the only goal.

View attachment 335294

Once again Miami finds itself in front of the home crowd as we welcome in the South Florida Bulls. USF is fresh off a hilariously ugly win over the Florida Gators, the most overhyped team coming into this season I’ve ever seen.

USF: “We beat Floriduh!”

Miami:

View attachment 335299

Imagine beating this guy 18-16 and thinking it’s an accomplishment

View attachment 335300

But seriously…

View attachment 335295
View attachment 335310

View attachment 335296

There’s a saying in the south:

“Bless their hearts”

It’s not a compliment

Its what we say to people online that brag about being “natty”

USF is feeling themselves more than a teenager home alone figuring out he is picking up the Spice Channel unscrambled

And much like that kid, once this one is over they’re going to be full of shame and regret

THIS is why Miami puts USF in a cuck chair:


Carson Beck: He already put one overrated green and gold team in their place so now it’s time to take care of the twin. His accuracy this season has been borderline laughable. If Cam Ward was Billy the Kid then Carson Beck is Simo Häyhä, and for double bonus points Simo’s nickname was “White Death”. There is absolutely no way USFs defense can stop this sniper from feasting.

Bain: Only team that can stop Hurricane Bain at this point is PETA because this ************ is clubbing offensive tackles like baby seals. I expect the USF OL postgame dinner will resemble the Cavinders Thanksgiving…a lot of hurricane PTSD to go around

Fletcher: If Amber Lynn were a running back, she would probably be Mark Fletcher. It’s not pretty but it’s enthusiastic. **** it’s downright ugly but it shows up every game and delivers the stats. We’ve seen plenty of meteoric running backs flame out after a big run or two, but Fletch continues to put up the stats. I expect him to dominate.

The entire OL:

View attachment 335302

That’s it. That’s the caption.


Verdict:

USF is a worthy foe. Two solid wins against decent teams to start the season but they’re about to get a dose of reality this week

View attachment 335303

Mario has been jerking off with 8 grit sandpaper for 4 years waiting for this team. Tuff and fizzical. Mario doesn’t get the oil changed in his vehicles he just opens the cap and spits in it. 7 OL and a middle finger is his dream

Fitting that we are on CW alongside the latest Superman show because Mario wants to dominate this one in a phone booth

I expect it to be a little closer at halftime than the game really is but it’s just too much of a grind for USF to keep up

The Bulls will be watching Arrow reruns from this POV by the time the game is in the 4th quarter

View attachment 335304

Seriously though…

View attachment 335305
View attachment 335309
View attachment 335306

Good guys 34
Bad guys 14

View attachment 335307
Click to expand...

8-ball.gif
pile-of-coke-cocaine.gif
 
JHallCanes said:
"I’m getting that itch again. Not from “Alize” over at Tootsies"



There’s a saying in the south:

“Bless their hearts”

It’s not a compliment

Its what we say to people online that brag about being “natty”



Bain: Only team that can stop Hurricane Bain at this point is PETA because this ************ is clubbing offensive tackles like baby seals. I expect the USF OL postgame dinner will resemble the Cavinders Thanksgiving…a lot of hurricane PTSD to go around
Click to expand...

That fuggin "Alize"...glad I wasnt the only one!

I grew up in Florida, but 'Bless your heart' has become a regular part of my vocabulary these days

I see how you slipped that baby seal reference in there, sh**t was dark, and funny at the same.
 
BigDikDaddyFromCincinnati said:
@JHallCanes

This is not your longest "Thoughts" piece, but I think it may be your most efficient in terms awesomeness per sentence. There was the tennager with the Spice channel comment, Tootsies, "Bless their heart (LOVE that one), cuck chair, an Amber Lynn reference (love me some 80's stars), and 8 grit sandpaper all in about two paragraphs of text. It's like a 5 gallon bucket that somehow was filled with 10 gallons of liquid awesome. Well played sir.
Click to expand...
I appreciate that sir! Been a **** of a week (in a good way) and Friday snuck up on me had to lock in quickly
 
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