- Joined
- Nov 3, 2011
- Messages
- 56,568
I hope everyone stocked up on BAC water like toiler paper during Covid because we’ve got mutha****in GOALS THIS YEAR
Pop those syringe caps like champagne bottles, swab that butt cheek like you’re detailing a Maybach and clear them sinuses because…
It’s fuccin fuccin time…
THATS RIGHT MUTHAFUKKAS AND ****ETTES ITSSSSSS BENCH DAYYYYYY BABBBYYYYYY
It’s been 8 **** months since we last saw the Miami Hurricanes on the football field
8
Feels like years
The last time we saw them play…
You know what I don’t even remember
It doesn’t ******* matter
**** Indiana. **** the ACC. **** FSU. **** Florida, Notre Dame
**** everyone that ain’t us
Now that we got that out of the way let’s turn the page
The 2026 Miami Hurricanes
This team is loaded. Like really loaded
There’s virgins on prom night that aren’t as loaded as this roster
Mario and co have been building a monster and it’s time to let that monster loose
No pause
No more talk. No more roster analysis. No more bull****
THIS is the best roster in the country. Nuff said. Time for respecting our opponents and the country is OVER
First up on the hit list for #6:
Stanford
Stanford has a tradition where their students splash around in fountains wearing costumes. No kidding.
Seriously look at these dorks
Their mascot is a tree for ***** sake
Meanwhile Mario and co hitting the west coast like 2pac and Dre in California Love with some Mad Max psychos in tow
Omar Thornton and his Goon Crew
Stanford pulled a page straight from the Old Miamis loser handbook and put someone completely unqualified in charge thinking that will somehow fix them
He speaks highly of their transfer QB and their system in place but what they don’t know is this was Corey Heathermans message to them:
THIS is why Miami starts the season fast and puts an absolute beatdown on the Cardinal:
Darian Mensah: Mario pulled a Deebo and thanked Manny Diaz by absolutely snatching his chain this offseason. Mensah was my favorite QB to watch last season. He’s an assassin somehow flying under the radar nationally. STLTH 100 DMG 100 ***** 0. He can make all the throws. He can move in the pocket. He doesn’t turn it over. He’s Jennifer Love Hewitt in 2008. Perfect. Just like American Airlines Flight 11 this dude is on a collision course with New York City
Damon Wilson: If Gumby ****ed a pterodactyl and added Ronnie Coleman’s strengff you would have Damon Wilson. The bend, the wingspan, the strength…this dude has it all. 3rd downs are gonna have opposing OCs popping No-Doz laced with ephedra because they’re afraid of the nightmares. Opposing OTs are gonna be about as useful as a police barricade at a Travis Scott concert. Expect more sacks this season than the Houston 500
Malachi Toney: There hasn’t been a more vicious teenager named Malachi since Children of the Corn. Running, passing, receiving, returning this kid has more creative ways to **** a defense than a Hentai film. After carrying the WR room like Captain America facing down Thanos, Mario pulled a Dr Strange and opened the Portals. Landing Barkate and Jacobs will only allow Baby Jesus to ascend even further to greatness
Mark Fletcher: Unc just pulled up to the YMCA in some OJ style shorts, laced up the British Knights, threw on the headband and is ready to pull some Akeem Olajuwon **** on the NCAA. All he does is show up at pick up 6 YPC. He’s healthy, he’s leaner, he’s a beast. He’s got help. Second half defenders will be running for their lives faster than the pedestrians the first time I fire up GTA6
Omar Thornton: Every defense needs a dude that just ain’t right in the head. Enter Omar mfing Thornton. First highlight I saw of him was him planting Omega Cuck Jeremiyah Love on his *** like Prime Bill Goldberg. Opposing WRs better have better zig zag action than Ricky in Boyz or their women are also gonna be crying on their couches. Every time the ball is in the air Thornton pulls a Top Gun and switches to missiles. Big play mfer.
Verdict:
This is gonna be a bloodbath. Stanford just happens to be in the way
This squad is all business and it’s zero **** around time
We sat through Middle Tennessee and Georgia Tech for this season. All the preaching about patience and roster building and culture….
We have the best roster in the country led by the best QB in the nation and a defense that sends waves of 5 stars on the two deep
In the movies the underdog nerds find a way to beat the bully
This isn’t a ******* movie
This is the real world
And in the real world the bully wins
The Boogeyman of college football is back baby and they should all be looking under their beds
Good Guys 42
Bad Guys 6
![Kn[]_[]ckles3o5](https://data.canesinsight.com/avatars/m/6/6575.jpg?1518149361){kind=avatar}
