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That’s right muthafluckas football is back baby!
Like a bunch of caged dawgs we’ve been sitting through bye weeks chomping at the bit. Just *****ing and complaining because we’ve got no one to hit but eachother. Well that’s ******* over now. No more weeks off baby
Another PM game means extra juice to push through the night so grab an extra vial, roll up an extra $20 and get ready because the Canes are ******* back
It’s BENCH PRESS DAYYYYY
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Well here we are. Prime Time. Again.
All the world will be watching us for another week.
Half the country will be rocking their Canes gear and half the country will be hate watching with their closet racism and low testosterone just begging Louisville to beat us
It feels good to be back like that
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After running through our early season gauntlet undefeated it’s time to face our age old enemy
The ACC
Like a big ****y goth chick with daddy issues the ACC has been our weakness since birth
Inexplicably the Miami Hurricanes have never won the lowly ACC, despite being brought into the conference specifically to carry it with our name and star power
Watching teams like Wake Forest, Georgia Tech, Pitt win the ACC
Watching FSU win it many times
Well that **** stops immediately!
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We already dealt with little brother last game. He was getting a little ****y and needed course corrected
We walked into their room and kicked over the nice little Lego tower they had been building and took a **** all over it They cried to mom but in the end couldn’t do anything about it
Next up:
Louisville
Or as the locals call it: LOLville
If any of you thinks that’s a joke, I’m jealous that you don’t know that’s actually how they pronounce their own city
******* LOLville
Their fans and their program are as hyped for this game as they are when they see a sheep with a gimpy leg
They’re as excited as they were the first time they put new tires on their house
Their band is pretty good though I saw video of them warming up earlier today
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Jeff Brohm went to college so it’s no surprise he has ascended the throne of the hillbillies what with his book learnin and such
Lance Guidry fell victim to him twice
Well that’s all over with now
THIS is why the Miami Hurricanes make another statement on its way to the ACC crown
Reuben Bain: He’s the best player in the country regardless of position right now. The balance of discipline and aggression has been astonishing to watch. This week he doesn’t have to worry about trying to catch rabbits. Miller Moss and Brohm will try and neutralize Bain with quick throws and slants but at some point they will need to air it out. I am convinced Bain sees the game with Predator thermal vision. He should have 10+ sacks this year and Miller Moss is gonna feel that. Bain just finished another 16 hour shift at the cannery and Miller Moss left his toys out. It’s not Moss fault, but he’s gonna pay the price
Keionte Scott: a bit overshadowed by others, he’s arguably been the most important addition to the team. Brohm and Moss know they can’t hold up so they’ll rely on the quick passing game. I predict Scott will be jumping lanes like a Kirby Smart recruit in a new Charger. He doesn’t have an INT this year but I think he takes the Official Sara Jay Ball Snatcher award this week
CJ Daniels: Toney has been our best player on offense in my opinion, but CJ made his mark against our rival last week. After the big TD against ND he made the poster, but scoring two TDs on the road at Doak is how you become a legend. Shannon Dawson has been a “pick your poison” OC for two years and Louisville trying to stop the run will allow Daniels to attack the seams more aggressively than Pinky’s ***
Heatherman: A new week and a new challenge. No more spies and preaching setting the edge and not getting 15 yard penalties. Brohm is good no doubt. Louisville is good. But this guy is better. He reminds me of Joshua in war games playing globalthermonuclear war. Attack the weak points. Win the game. Casualties acceptable.
Verdict: Louisville is a good team. They’ve got a good coach and a solid QB. They’ve got some weapons on offense. They’ve got a…
Ya know what…
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No one can beat Miami other than Miami
Nobody
And this year we’ve got too much talent and coaching on both sides of the ball. There will be some tense moments throughout the season because that’s just college football
But this team is too balanced, too good, and too well coached to lose these games anymore
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We’ve already hit the PRs. We’ve bullied the bullies on our schedule. We hit the heavy compound lifts and earned the rewards
Now it’s time to ******* eat
It’s time to pad stats and get the young dawgs playing time. It’s time to be the team we’ve been hoping for the last 20+ years
It’s time to put the PTSD and rat poison concerns to bed
It’s time to stop talking about Trap Games and being worried about road games in November
It’s ******* time to be the Miami Hurricanes again
The team that treats the mid ACC like a bukakke fluffer
The team that beats teams so mentally and physically that they lose their next game as well automatically
It’s. *******. Time.
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Good Guys 31
Bad Guys 13
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