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Thoughts From the Bench Press: Louisville

JHallCanes

JHallCanes

2028 is our year
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Before we begin homies and homettes let’s pour out a little protein shake for our soldier that ain’t here

*pours

RIP Emory’s left arm. Till we meet again on the other side playa

Now let’s get down to business

As I’m standing here in the mirror admiring this upper chest vein full of Blackmarket Chinese Bullshark Testosterone courtesy of another bench day, I can’t help but have deja vu when it comes to the Miami Hurricanes. If I could sum up this season I would have to say

Here We Go Again GIF


Once again, like a wet protein fart in the middle of a squat PR, the Miami Hurricanes have managed to ruin their season in spectacular fashion. You name the **** up and we’ve done it. We’ve invented ways to **** up

But last week during our loss to FSU we all got to see just how tuff and fizical this team actually is. We lack talent and lord knows our coaching is suspect, but these dudes won’t lay down for anyone

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Louisville

Or as the locals pronounce it:

“gargling ******* sounds”

Seriously. You ever hear one of these hick ***** have the audacity to correct someone that pronounces it like a person that has actually graduated 4th grade?

Somehow they’ve been able to take time away from ******* their pet sheep and actually show up to games and watch a “Louisville bro” lead them to a top 10 ranking

Well it’s our last chance to give the college football world a big middle finger, so lets turn the tables on these beastiality loving teeth missing hillbillies and #winoneforthesheep

This is why we send them home limping from a butt slamming without the chew spit lube

Guidry: Seriously. This dude must be sitting in coaches meetings right now feeling like the scientist that tried to teach sign language to gorillas. He’s been a revelation. 4 coordinators hired by Mario and he finally gets one right. He’s adapted. He’s innovated. He’s mixed things up. Opposing QBs are left feeling like the amateur in Gangbang Girls 27. You’re not sure when or where or who, but the ******* is coming. Brohm is a redneck genius but Guidry is like Doc Holliday “redneck ball? That’s just my game”

Kiko: this dude might be my favorite player on the team. He’s Danny Bateman and Alvin Mack rolled up into one. Guidry had him dropping into coverage too much earlier this season, and Kiko just isn’t that type of guy. **** going backwards. Attack. Pressure. He fills the A gap better and more often than Peter North and he will absolutely have more momentum shifting plays again this weekend

Damari Brown: Thank Howard this kid looked legit last week against FSU. Our CBs have been playing above their pay grade imo, but we need a real Alpha back there. I can’t believe him and Davante are brothers. Damari is Tom Cruise hitting the highway with the top down and Davante is Dustin Hoffman barely able to make it down the driveway. The future is bright here

Jacolby George: Once again this kid stepped up in the big game. He wasn’t dominant but he has a knack for the big play and we desperately need someone to inject some life into this offense for this game.

Brashard Smith: our QB has the accuracy of a stormtrooper and the emotional range of a Vulcan. Fact is Miami is horrendous when TVD throws the ball more than 30 times and we HAVE to get the ball to a playmaker in spade. Brashard is too ******* obvious.

Borregales: sadly another year where Miamis most dangerous weapon on offense is our ******* kicker. But Borregales is a special talent. He twirls his leg like a western gunslinger and kicks the ball with confidence and style. I expect a close game and Mario will retreat quicker than NYSOMs boner when he sees a perfect South Florida booty, so I expect Jose to be leaned on here

Verdict:

Listen. This is it. This season has been full of ups and downs but Miami has the chance to get up off the mat one last time and do something great.

We are tired. We’re hurt. We’re worn out. Supporting this team is like being a wife saying “he’s only like this when he drinks” for 20 years

I get it

The ghosts of Teddy Bridgewater and James Burgess aren’t enough to stop this team circling the wagons one last time.

Miami comes out fast, physical, and aggressive. The defense creates some turnovers and we pull off our first win over a top 10 team being unranked for the first time in forever

Good guys 30
Chicken ****ers 20

#winoneforthesheep

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That was awesome.

Feels like we’ve been saying this a couple times, but this is it. Win, and you’ve got momentum after defeating a top 10 team with an opportunity to close out 8-4. I think everyone would have taken that preseason, it just didn’t turn out the way we thought it would. Recruiting should pick up and the stench of losing will be momentarily lifted.

Lose, and oof…recruiting class will be a disaster imo, we’ll see multiple de-commitments, no shot at additional blue chips unless we pay up big time, and serious questions going into Year 3.

No pressure TVD and Mario. They both need this game. ****, we al do. I’ll be there supporting yet again (despite what some gargling MariBro slurpers think of me on here), so let’s ruin Louisville’s season.
 
WeBallinBoyz said:
That was awesome.

Feels like we’ve been saying this a couple times, but this is it. Win, and you’ve got momentum after defeating a top 10 team with an opportunity to close out 8-4. I think everyone would have taken that preseason, it just didn’t turn out the way we thought it would. Recruiting should pick up and the stench of losing will be momentarily lifted.

Lose, and oof…recruiting class will be a disaster imo, we’ll see multiple de-commitments, no shot at additional blue chips unless we pay up big time, and serious questions going into Year 3.

No pressure TVD and Mario. They both need this game. I’ll be there supporting yet again (despite what some gargling MariBro slurpers think of me on here), so let’s ruin Louisville’s season.
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Louisville is obviously a good team but it feels a bit like FSU. Like yes sure ranking wise they’re impressive but the way our secondary stood up last week to FSU I think we have a shot here

If only we could get like a C grade from the QB spot…
 
Louisville has only played 2 road games this year, vs NC State barely winning 13-10, and getting crushed by Pitt 38-21. I've never seen a team only play a total of 3 road games in a season, is this common? They are a top 10 overall defensive squad, but after Notre Dame their schedule has been suspect. they did beat NC State and Georgia Tech, 2 teams that beat us.

If turnovers are even, this game will be decided by who can run the ball better and who can stop the run. Hopefully Parrish, Chaney and Allen will all be full go along with Fletch.

Go Canes!
 
WeBallinBoyz said:
That was awesome.

Feels like we’ve been saying this a couple times, but this is it. Win, and you’ve got momentum after defeating a top 10 team with an opportunity to close out 8-4. I think everyone would have taken that preseason, it just didn’t turn out the way we thought it would. Recruiting should pick up and the stench of losing will be momentarily lifted.

Lose, and oof…recruiting class will be a disaster imo, we’ll see multiple de-commitments, no shot at additional blue chips unless we pay up big time, and serious questions going into Year 3.

No pressure TVD and Mario. They both need this game. ****, we al do. I’ll be there supporting yet again (despite what some gargling MariBro slurpers think of me on here), so let’s ruin Louisville’s season.
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welcome back

Season 8 Hug GIF by One Chicago
 
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JHallCanes said:
Louisville is obviously a good team but it feels a bit like FSU. Like yes sure ranking wise they’re impressive but the way our secondary stood up last week to FSU I think we have a shot here

If only we could get like a C grade from the QB spot…
Click to expand...
Yes, but I think people are writing off their offense vs. our defense a bit prematurely.

I think Jawar Jordan is a very physical back. We were awesome against FSU’s running attack, but Jordan is more punishing than Benson. We’re going to have to hold up all four quarters against him.

Our corners were awesome against Coleman and Wilson, but Thrash is a baller. We’re going to have to shut him down and make someone else beat us. Plummer is prone to mistakes, and I do trust Guidry to confuse him into some mistakes…but we have to come prepared.

If we play like we did against FSU, we’ll win. If we play like we did against GT, Clemson, NC State and UVA, we’ll lose by double digits.

After an emotionally draining loss and yet another QB change, which Miami do we get tomorrow? Heart says the FSU one, head says the other three.

A fast start is imperative, or I fear the defense will wilt unlike against FSU. We’re also going to need some sort of passing attack, as Louisville is Top 10 against the run and 2nd in red zone defense.
 
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WeBallinBoyz said:
Lose, and oof…recruiting class will be a disaster imo, we’ll see multiple de-commitments, no shot at additional blue chips unless we pay up big time, and serious questions going into Year 3.
Click to expand...

I don't think this one game will make much difference to recruiting. If we lose the next three (UL, BC, the " Toilet Duck Bowl" game in San Jose), then we'll have problems.
 
Citizen Cane said:
Louisville has only played 2 road games this year, vs NC State barely winning 13-10, and getting crushed by Pitt 38-21. I've never seen a team only play a total of 3 road games in a season, is this common? They are a top 10 overall defensive squad, but after Notre Dame their schedule has been suspect. they did beat NC State and Georgia Tech, 2 teams that beat us.

If turnovers are even, this game will be decided by who can run the ball better and who can stop the run. Hopefully Parrish, Chaney and Allen will all be full go along with Fletch.

Go Canes!
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That’s crazy. I had no idea.
 
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WeBallinBoyz said:
Yes, but I think people are writing off their offense vs. our defense a bit prematurely.

I think Jawar Jordan is a very physical back. We were awesome against FSU’s running attack, but Jordan is more punishing than Benson. We’re going to have to hold up all four quarters against him.

Our corners were awesome against Coleman and Wilson, but Thrash is a baller. We’re going to have to shut him down and make someone else beat us. Plummer is prone to mistakes, and I do trust Guidry to confuse him into some mistakes…but we have to come prepared.

If we play like we did against FSU, we’ll win. If we play like we did against GT, Clemson, NC State and UVA, we’ll lose by double digits.

After an emotionally draining loss and yet another QB change, which Miami do we get tomorrow? Heart says the FSU one, head says the other three.

A fast start is imperative, or I fear the defense will wilt unlike against FSU. We’re also going to need some sort of passing attack, as Louisville is Top 10 against the run and 2nd in red zone defense.
Click to expand...
I haven’t read too much about what people are saying to be honest

I personally think their offense is a major problem but same time this is like the one thread where logical discussion is encouraged to go out the window 😂
 
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I’ve waited all week with anxious anticipation for your post OP. The post and it’s one-liners and zingers have become legendary. Well, to me anyway.

All I’ll add is this team just hasn’t quit all year - especially the Mad Scientist’s defense. No matter the situations, obstacles, or corching **** ups, the guys continued to play hard to the last whistle. If nothing else, that’s a big change from last year.

Let’s hope on Senior day (not to be confused with senior citizen) the guys bring that same never quit mentality this Saturday and send “The Ville” home with their tails between their legs.
 
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