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Thoughts From the Bench Press: Iowa State

JHallCanes

JHallCanes

2028 is our year
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IMG_8569.jpeg


HO-HO-HO mutha****aaaasss and mutha****ettes! I hope yall enjoyed those extra helpings of Christmas cookies because you’re gonna need the extra carbs

It’s fuuuggggginnnnn BENCH DAYYYYY!!!!!

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It’s been a long month to be a Canes fan. Up 21-0 against Syracuse and life was good…

And then…

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We’ve spent the last month *****ing and moaning and saying the same things over and over and over again

It’s not wrong

But we are parking that to the side because it’s time to watch Cam Ward and this offense one last time

IMG_8568.gif


Before we get in to Iowa State let’s look back at some of the highlights from 2024 because there were a lot of them:

1. Florida

It was right about here when the entire fanbase held their breath

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and right about here when all the lies became possible

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2. Virginia Tech

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3. Cal

About 2 AM when somehow he got this ball to Arroyo

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The 2024 season was probably the biggest roller coaster of emotions I can recall

Every week we wanted to make life difficult but in the end we still had a shot to make the ACCCG and the Playoffs but alas…

Bryan Cranston Reaction GIF


“This game is meaningless”

I’ve read this from our so-called fans over and over again

There’s nothing “meaningless” about this game

1-11 in our last 12 bowl games

Left out of the playoff because we are not a top tier program in a conference that gets no respect

EVERY game is important especially when we go out of conference

So for all the people saying those words

IMG_8580.gif


So let’s ******* go

One more opponent on our schedule and it’s not Penn St, Notre Dame, OSU etc

It’s…Iowa State

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Iowa State nestles itself in the metropolitan area of Ames, IA

The university acceptance rate is… 92%

92. ****. Percent.

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The only thing you can really say about Iowa that’s cool is at least Kevin Costner got to have a catch with his dad

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As far as the team goes, we know they have a good coach in Matt Campbell. He’s 10x the coach ours is so that’s a problem. They’ve got a solid QB and WR but it’s a bowl game and who knows who’s playing and who isn’t

So let’s try and guess who will be the difference in this one:

1. Cam

Miami Fans: “you changed my life”

Cam: “I’m literally just Cam Ward”

The single most important player I’ve personally ever seen here. Not only changed the game with his talent, but changed the offense with his leadership. He deserved a legit shot at the playoffs and the Heisman. I got to see Tiger Woods in his prime. Michael Jordan. Jenna Jameson. Now Cam.

2. Martinez. Thankfully we got past the point where our fans claimed he had no vision. Dude was RB1 by a country mile. Not sure what his plan is for next year but I would guess the pros and he’s gonna be tough to replace. Iowa is used to having its corn plowed by John Deere, now it’s Damien’s turn (no pause)

3. Dawson. He doesn’t get enough credit IMO. He took the worst offense in our history in 2022 and made it legit in 2023 despite the same cast of characters. In 2024 we gave him weapons and he orchestrated history. Steven Spielberg. Francis Ford Coppola. Alfred Hitchcock. Axel Braun. Great directors know what to do with great talent. He will be running auditions for 2025 and likely angling for a nice head coaching job himself

Beyond that…**** if I know

Verdict: Miami is the most one dimensional team in the entire country. Thankfully that one dimension is the best in the nation. Unfortunately the other dimension is one of the worst

Actual visual representation of our offense/defense:

IMG_8586.webp


Matt Campbell has gotta be hornier to face Guidry than an Iowa farm hand looking at a sheep with a bum leg

I expect our offense to be tuff and fizical and grind the game out squeaking by

Lets Ride GIF by Giphy QA


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Good guys 27
Bad guys 24

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JHallCanes said:
View attachment 315358

HO-HO-HO mutha****aaaasss and mutha****ettes! I hope yall enjoyed those extra helpings of Christmas cookies because you’re gonna need the extra carbs

It’s fuuuggggginnnnn BENCH DAYYYYY!!!!!

View attachment 315360

View attachment 315361

It’s been a long month to be a Canes fan. Up 21-0 against Syracuse and life was good…

And then…

View attachment 315362

We’ve spent the last month *****ing and moaning and saying the same things over and over and over again

It’s not wrong

But we are parking that to the side because it’s time to watch Cam Ward and this offense one last time

View attachment 315363

Before we get in to Iowa State let’s look back at some of the highlights from 2024 because there were a lot of them:

1. Florida

It was right about here when the entire fanbase held their breath

View attachment 315364

and right about here when all the lies became possible

View attachment 315365

2. Virginia Tech

View attachment 315366

3. Cal

About 2 AM when somehow he got this ball to Arroyo

View attachment 315369

The 2024 season was probably the biggest roller coaster of emotions I can recall

Every week we wanted to make life difficult but in the end we still had a shot to make the ACCCG and the Playoffs but alas…

Bryan Cranston Reaction GIF


“This game is meaningless”

I’ve read this from our so-called fans over and over again

There’s nothing “meaningless” about this game

1-11 in our last 12 bowl games

Left out of the playoff because we are not a top tier program in a conference that gets no respect

EVERY game is important especially when we go out of conference

So for all the people saying those words

View attachment 315370

So let’s ******* go

One more opponent on our schedule and it’s not Penn St, Notre Dame, OSU etc

It’s…Iowa State

View attachment 315371

View attachment 315372

Iowa State nestles itself in the metropolitan area of Ames, IA

The university acceptance rate is… 92%

92. ****. Percent.

View attachment 315373

The only thing you can really say about Iowa that’s cool is at least Kevin Costner got to have a catch with his dad

View attachment 315374

As far as the team goes, we know they have a good coach in Matt Campbell. He’s 10x the coach ours is so that’s a problem. They’ve got a solid QB and WR but it’s a bowl game and who knows who’s playing and who isn’t

So let’s try and guess who will be the difference in this one:

1. Cam

Miami Fans: “you changed my life”

Cam: “I’m literally just Cam Ward”

The single most important player I’ve personally ever seen here. Not only changed the game with his talent, but changed the offense with his leadership. He deserved a legit shot at the playoffs and the Heisman. I got to see Tiger Woods in his prime. Michael Jordan. Jenna Jameson. Now Cam.

2. Martinez. Thankfully we got past the point where our fans claimed he had no vision. Dude was RB1 by a country mile. Not sure what his plan is for next year but I would guess the pros and he’s gonna be tough to replace. Iowa is used to having its corn plowed by John Deere, now it’s Damien’s turn (no pause)

3. Dawson. He doesn’t get enough credit IMO. He took the worst offense in our history in 2022 and made it legit in 2023 despite the same cast of characters. In 2024 we gave him weapons and he orchestrated history. Steven Spielberg. Francis Ford Coppola. Alfred Hitchcock. Axel Braun. Great directors know what to do with great talent. He will be running auditions for 2025 and likely angling for a nice head coaching job himself

Beyond that…**** if I know

Verdict: Miami is the most one dimensional team in the entire country. Thankfully that one dimension is the best in the nation. Unfortunately the other dimension is one of the worst

Actual visual representation of our offense/defense:

View attachment 315378

Matt Campbell has gotta be hornier to face Guidry than an Iowa farm hand looking at a sheep with a bum leg

I expect our offense to be tuff and fizical and grind the game out squeaking by

Lets Ride GIF by Giphy QA


View attachment 315379
View attachment 315380
View attachment 315381

Good guys 27
Bad guys 24

View attachment 315382
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Well done, Sir.
 
Damiencane86 said:
The sentence about hearing posters repeat the same thing over and over again for the last month hit almost too hard
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Something something Guidry. Something something Jaden Harris.

I always appreciate the groundbreaking insights.
 
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JHallCanes said:
Something something Guidry. Something something Jaden Harris.

I always appreciate the groundbreaking insights.
Click to expand...
Something Something Mario ain't it. Something Something South Florida sucks now, we'll never have another Cam Ward, the ACC is dead, why didn't grab the player I like best from the portal............we GET IT 😑
 
423Hurricane said:
Notwithstanding the titiies, your “workouts” have been of epic proportions. Your wit is unmatched and much appreciated. Hopefully, you’ll continue your “workouts” for years to come.
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I appreciate the words brother! 🫡

Consistency consistency consistency right?
 
@JHallCanes

With all due respect....
This bowl game, which features a trophy on par with the Leg Lamp from A Christmas Story, is indeed meaningless. However, for those Wordsmiths out there who want to get literal, I'll accept irrelevant, boring, unexciting, silly, mediocre or any other word that accurately applies to a game that doesn't count toward redshirt. Yes you can say the same redshirt thing about the playoffs, but c'mon. Barring an OBJ level catch or a Mike Barrow vs Tamarick Vanover hit, no one will remember this game in 10 years.

Given the fact that we were 10-0 and on the inside track to play in both the ACCCG and make the playoffs, you'll have to pardon my nausea that Das PoöpTart Bowl has given me. I literally feel like I had the Prom Queen lined up for a night of Viagara induced spelunking only to be stood up at the last second and handed her red headed step-sister after I've ingested that glorious little blue pill. I mean, Imma fucc, but it ain't the same. Not even close. Not even with those translucent areolae that only a red head has. For the record, I'm talking Kathy Griffin redhead, not Nicole Kidman (although I don't really find her attractive either - and I'll sadly take the kill shots for that comment, but the truth is the truth). To bring it full circle, I feel like Ralphie would've, had he NOT gotten the Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals.
Go Canes!
 
BigDikDaddyFromCincinnati said:
@JHallCanes

With all due respect....
This bowl game, which features a trophy on par with the Leg Lamp from A Christmas Story, is indeed meaningless. However, for those Wordsmiths out there who want to get literal, I'll accept irrelevant, boring, unexciting, silly, mediocre or any other word that accurately applies to a game that doesn't count toward redshirt. Yes you can say the same redshirt thing about the playoffs, but c'mon. Barring an OBJ level catch or a Mike Barrow vs Tamarick Vanover hit, no one will remember this game in 10 years.

Given the fact that we were 10-0 and on the inside track to play in both the ACCCG and make the playoffs, you'll have to pardon my nausea that Das PoöpTart Bowl has given me. I literally feel like I had the Prom Queen lined up for a night of Viagara induced spelunking only to be stood up at the last second and handed her red headed step-sister after I've ingested that glorious little blue pill. I mean, Imma fucc, but it ain't the same. Not even close. Not even with those translucent areolae that only a red head has. For the record, I'm talking Kathy Griffin redhead, not Nicole Kidman (although I don't really find her attractive either - and I'll sadly take the kill shots for that comment, but the truth is the truth). To bring it full circle, I feel like Ralphie would've, had he NOT gotten the Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals.
Go Canes!
Click to expand...
Your response is purely emotional from being let-down

Do your thing, but “meaningless” is an absolute and quite frankly a dumb thing to even suggest
 
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JHallCanes said:
Your response is purely MOSTLY emotional from being let-down AGAIN

Do your thing, but “meaningless” is an absolute and quite frankly a dumb thing to even suggest
Click to expand...
I made a couple corrections to your reply in the name of accuracy. I also listed several other almost synonyms in my previous comment that more inclusively allow for other disappointed folks to embrace, since I was (accurately) told that the game is not devoid of all meaning.
 
BigDikDaddyFromCincinnati said:
I made a couple corrections to your reply in the name of accuracy. I also listed several other almost synonyms in my previous comment that more inclusively allow for other disappointed folks to embrace, since I was (accurately) told that the game is not devoid of all meaning.
Click to expand...
Cam Ward doesn’t think the game is meaningless

Hopefully Canedork9654 is there at the tunnel to make sure he tells Cam that he’s wrong after living vicariously through the players all year long
 
JHallCanes said:
Cam Ward doesn’t think the game is meaningless

Hopefully Canedork9654 is there at the tunnel to make sure he tells Cam that he’s wrong after living vicariously through the players all year long
Click to expand...
Didn't say he does. I'll bet you that if you gave Cam some truth serum, then asked him (after the game) if it was " irrelevant, boring, unexciting, silly, or mediocre," he would likely pick one. I'll stop there because honestly, I like you and your posts (no diddy). We can agree to disagree like grown ups can't we? I mean, I'm sure you can. I'm trying over here. I also don't have any truth serum.
 
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