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Thoughts From the Bench Press: FSU

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We're gonna have FSU fans screaming this at their tv
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JHallCanes said:
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That’s right mother****ers and mother****ettes…after a bye week it’s that time again!

But this is a very special edition of BENCH DAYYYYY

This is that ************. THAT week. THAT game.

I want yall face deep in a snowbank piled up on the asscheek of a girl named after season of the year just trying to pay her way through college at 31

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I want your vials lined up like a Manhattan bar

I want yall mother****ers looking like a pincushion

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It’s PR time baby. It’s that mutha****in WEEK

THIS IS THE BIGGEST GAME IN OVER 20 YEARS

It’s all been leading to this moment. Notre Dame. USF. Florida.

It’s time to add one more infinity stone to the mix.

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Notre Dame ✅
Florida ✅
FSU

Yall mother****ers are next

FSU got off to a hot start by embarrassing Alabama at home

The media and the Miami fans couldn’t contain their excitement about Tommy Castellanos

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Then Little Brother did what Little Brother does and poops themselves on national TV

And now they think Miami is the salvation to their season?

Us? Big Brother?

The University of Mother****in Miami?!

Sorry Little Brother. You’ll be begging us to stop by the end but it’s too late

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THIS is why we walk into Dork Stadium behind our new defensive coordinator like this:

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Corey Heatherman: **** it. He is HIM. I’ll say it. Gus Malzahn hasn’t changed his playbook in 15 years. Heatherman looked at that Tecmo Bowl play sheet and laughed his *** off. He’s been in the opposition OC bag all season. Call this bearded bald ************ NOSTRADOMEUS the way he’s seen it coming.

Sorry Gus ya ******* nerd

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Bain: What’s a trailer parks worst nightmare? A mother****ing Hurricane. Reuben is about to tear through that trailer park like a firestorm. The meth labs will be exploding left and right like The Houston 500. These games are where legends are made and It’s been 24 years since something was headed towards New York City with such a singular purpose of destruction

Malachi Toney: FSU will be focused on the run, for good reason. This will allow Toney to slip out undetected. After the Notre Dame game Malachi awoke to this message on his pillow

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Now The Dark Brotherhood has sent Toney on a stealth mission to gut the FSU defense from the inside out

Jakobe Thomas: Our defense has been amazing. One thing that’s lacked a little bit is turnovers. It’s simply from playing fast but disciplined guarding against mobile QBs and being “safe”. Well this is the breakout game for turnovers. Castellanos throws a football like Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds and he’s throwing at least two picks

Verdict:

This is it boys. Everything we’ve done to this point doesn’t matter unless we bring it home. I want blood. I want FSU to be so physically ruined from this game they’ll have to pull an Annabelle Chong and retire. I want alcohol and drug filled fury from the fanbase that makes the FSU fans dive into the crawl spaces under their “homes”.

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FSU is a stripper trying to convince us they love us and next thing you know our wallet is missing. It’s simply eye candy and discipline

The only team that can beat us Saturday is Miami

Remember…we are the boss

The OL and DL are bigger, tuffer, and more fizzical than theirs. All we have to do is remember:

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Good Guys 31
Bad Guys 20

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After reading this....I just ordered up a $2500/night "professional" and some Columbian dance powder. Let the good times rollllllll!!!! Go 'Canes 🙌🏻
 
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My favorite one yet, good sir. If I had the parts, I’d be playing on what my 8-year old son calls hard mode (and no, he’s not talking about video games).

Major props for the Pinhead reference. One of my favorite childhood movies. 🤣
 
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