- Joined
- Nov 3, 2011
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Ok ladies and gentlemen, I’ve snorted three lines of pure Pharma grade DMAA, injected 3 grams of Tadalfil directly into my junk, and I’m sitting here eyeball ******* these plates with as much sexual tension as Mario Cristobal watching highlights of the Maryland Power I
I’d be lying to y’all if I said I wasn’t concerned about this game. I thought about getting vulnerable about it but then I remembered real men bury their feelings in their muscles
**** FSU. **** everything associated with FSU. **** every single Miami fan that ever mentions the word “respect”
**** Lamar Thomas for making that ridiculous beta male bull**** ok to regurgitate. When I hear someone say it out loud it has the same sound as the Mia Khalifa Throat Chokers video I watched this morning
We do not train to be merciful here
FSU is better on paper than us. But you know what else is better on paper? The big protein preworkout **** I took before my lift. This is our superbowl and our national championship all wrapped into one and I’m ready to run through a brick wall faster than the Juggernaut trying to chase down a South Beach BBL
FSU and their fans have been fondling themselves more than a priest at Chuck E Cheese. They’re looking to bury us and finish off our spiral for good. They want nothing more than to solidify their recruiting class by embarrassing us in front of a mega section of teenagers. Prison Mike will be handing out more awkward and creepy hugs than a pedophile uncle on Christmas Day after he’s had 7 Budweisers
But I got news for those pussies
Here’s why we pull off the upset and shut those ****boys up:
Kiko Mauigoa: Tuff and physical. These games are the epitome of intense and emotional and the team that wants it more usually wins. FSU has a great offense but this defense will not fold. The tone is set by the leader which is this guy right here. I fully expect to see Jordan Travis on his back, legs behind his head in a way that would make Jenna Jameson proud, while Kiko performs the Manu Siva Tau over his corpse
James Williams: he might just pull a Billy Cole in this game and start blasting people. He’s not leaving this game without a 15 yard penalty that’s for sure. He took some heat last week for the final play, and I get it, but when we play FSU we need dawgs, and this guy is a Pitbull with its pink thing hanging out and he’s ready to be let off the leash. He’s had a really good season and he knows these are the games legends have been made. He’s going to be ready to **** more than a virgin on prom night with a handful of roofies and a date that’s been home schooled her entire life
Jalen Rivers: he has put all of our doubts to rest. He’s not a top 10 NFL LT pick but dammit he’s been good. Jared Verse can wreck a gameplan if you let him and I expect him to be moved to Mauigoas side because Rivers is gonna manhandle him like a bouncer at the club on the first day back in classes. Stonewall Jackson died 160 years ago but he’s going to be reincarnated on Saturday afternoon
Parrish/Fletcher: Judging our backs can be difficult since injuries have been tough to track but our top 2 backs currently look healthy. Parrish isn’t Duke Johnson but his presence is noticeable immediately when he came back to the team. FSU can be run on and I expect them to basically put 10 men in the box and dare is to throw. I don’t think we can so it’s up to these guys to do the heavy lifting. Mario is gonna be slapping his meat around using the cloud of dust as lubrication
Jacolby George: listen. One of these guys needs to step the **** up in this game. Over the years these games have often been dominated by bigtime wide receivers making huge plays. I was astonished at how ****** the FSU WRs have been the last 10 years but they’ve got playmakers now. We don’t have an elite WR, but someone has to make a play. I think it’s George
Shannon Dawson: This dude should have been given a DUI last Saturday night. He had to have been drunk calling plays and using Restrepo as a ******* end line blocker. His QB is broken beyond repair (if it’s TVD) but he’s auditioning for next year now. Everyone knows we are gonna run the ball. Everyone. There’s an FSU fan at my gym that has Downes Syndrome and even he said “STACK THE BOX”. To be fair he coulda been talking about pancakes but for arguments sake let’s keep it to football. Dawson has to come up with something. I think he’s capable on his own but if we are gonna win this game he’s gonna have to pull one of these when Mario walks into his office:
Verdict:
We are reeling. We are Tyson Fury laying on our backs out cold after taking a Deontay Wilder haymaker. But god dammit this is our ****. This is the game. We pull this off and the season completely changes. Everything changes. This isn’t the same Miami team of last year. This is the team that looks at the guy next to him and knows he’s a dawg. He knows he can trust him. We ARE Tuff and Fisical. And that’s a ****** great thing
FSU is a good team but they’ve been riding a wave of luck that’s going to come to end on Saturday. Turning points of Miamis programs are always tied to this game and this is no different. We win this game because we overmatch them in the trenches and Travis throws multiple INTS
Good guys 27
**** Boys 24
I’d be lying to y’all if I said I wasn’t concerned about this game. I thought about getting vulnerable about it but then I remembered real men bury their feelings in their muscles
**** FSU. **** everything associated with FSU. **** every single Miami fan that ever mentions the word “respect”
**** Lamar Thomas for making that ridiculous beta male bull**** ok to regurgitate. When I hear someone say it out loud it has the same sound as the Mia Khalifa Throat Chokers video I watched this morning
We do not train to be merciful here
FSU is better on paper than us. But you know what else is better on paper? The big protein preworkout **** I took before my lift. This is our superbowl and our national championship all wrapped into one and I’m ready to run through a brick wall faster than the Juggernaut trying to chase down a South Beach BBL
FSU and their fans have been fondling themselves more than a priest at Chuck E Cheese. They’re looking to bury us and finish off our spiral for good. They want nothing more than to solidify their recruiting class by embarrassing us in front of a mega section of teenagers. Prison Mike will be handing out more awkward and creepy hugs than a pedophile uncle on Christmas Day after he’s had 7 Budweisers
But I got news for those pussies
Here’s why we pull off the upset and shut those ****boys up:
Kiko Mauigoa: Tuff and physical. These games are the epitome of intense and emotional and the team that wants it more usually wins. FSU has a great offense but this defense will not fold. The tone is set by the leader which is this guy right here. I fully expect to see Jordan Travis on his back, legs behind his head in a way that would make Jenna Jameson proud, while Kiko performs the Manu Siva Tau over his corpse
James Williams: he might just pull a Billy Cole in this game and start blasting people. He’s not leaving this game without a 15 yard penalty that’s for sure. He took some heat last week for the final play, and I get it, but when we play FSU we need dawgs, and this guy is a Pitbull with its pink thing hanging out and he’s ready to be let off the leash. He’s had a really good season and he knows these are the games legends have been made. He’s going to be ready to **** more than a virgin on prom night with a handful of roofies and a date that’s been home schooled her entire life
Jalen Rivers: he has put all of our doubts to rest. He’s not a top 10 NFL LT pick but dammit he’s been good. Jared Verse can wreck a gameplan if you let him and I expect him to be moved to Mauigoas side because Rivers is gonna manhandle him like a bouncer at the club on the first day back in classes. Stonewall Jackson died 160 years ago but he’s going to be reincarnated on Saturday afternoon
Parrish/Fletcher: Judging our backs can be difficult since injuries have been tough to track but our top 2 backs currently look healthy. Parrish isn’t Duke Johnson but his presence is noticeable immediately when he came back to the team. FSU can be run on and I expect them to basically put 10 men in the box and dare is to throw. I don’t think we can so it’s up to these guys to do the heavy lifting. Mario is gonna be slapping his meat around using the cloud of dust as lubrication
Jacolby George: listen. One of these guys needs to step the **** up in this game. Over the years these games have often been dominated by bigtime wide receivers making huge plays. I was astonished at how ****** the FSU WRs have been the last 10 years but they’ve got playmakers now. We don’t have an elite WR, but someone has to make a play. I think it’s George
Shannon Dawson: This dude should have been given a DUI last Saturday night. He had to have been drunk calling plays and using Restrepo as a ******* end line blocker. His QB is broken beyond repair (if it’s TVD) but he’s auditioning for next year now. Everyone knows we are gonna run the ball. Everyone. There’s an FSU fan at my gym that has Downes Syndrome and even he said “STACK THE BOX”. To be fair he coulda been talking about pancakes but for arguments sake let’s keep it to football. Dawson has to come up with something. I think he’s capable on his own but if we are gonna win this game he’s gonna have to pull one of these when Mario walks into his office:
Verdict:
We are reeling. We are Tyson Fury laying on our backs out cold after taking a Deontay Wilder haymaker. But god dammit this is our ****. This is the game. We pull this off and the season completely changes. Everything changes. This isn’t the same Miami team of last year. This is the team that looks at the guy next to him and knows he’s a dawg. He knows he can trust him. We ARE Tuff and Fisical. And that’s a ****** great thing
FSU is a good team but they’ve been riding a wave of luck that’s going to come to end on Saturday. Turning points of Miamis programs are always tied to this game and this is no different. We win this game because we overmatch them in the trenches and Travis throws multiple INTS
Good guys 27
**** Boys 24
