Empirical Cane
We are what we repeatedly do.
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2018
- Messages
- 44,982
There is so much toxic masculinity dripping from this porst, I'm not certain I'm man enough to even glance through it a second go, let alone re-read this inspirational Magnum Opus.Before we get fully going…a disclaimer:
This thread is NOT for people that say things like
“I’m in show me mode”
“I’ve fallen for this before”
“My wife refuses to blow me”
This thread IS for people that say things like
“Make it a double”
“Yeah sure of course I’ll call you”
“Trying to get big like you King”
Now that that’s settled….
We. Are. *******. BACK BABY.
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The greatest sport on Earth is BACK and the 2024 Miami Hurricanes are fielding the best team on paper we’ve seen in 20 years
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
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That’s right mother****ers and mother****ettes, grab your protein shakes and syringes, full grasp a buttcheek and
The 2023 season started off with a ton of promise. And much like the career of our former quarterback, it finished with a blank stare and **** running down it’s leg
Miami set up for a PR squat and instead got nothing but a wet fart
A story all too familiar to Canes fans
**** 2023
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Miami spent the offseason flipping nationally ranked recruits and going toe to toe with elite colleges (and the NFL) to assemble its 2024 roster
Mario and company spent their days like Saudi heirs at a strip club
Much has been made about Miamis offseason and one tell-tale sign we’ve all been looking for is the pure hatred from other programs and the national media making its way back to the surface
Mission accomplished
Miami enters the 2024 season on the doorstep of the single most important season in my fandom. The money. The recruits. The resources. Everything rides on this season to continue the forward momentum
If we fail…
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And who is the first team that stands in our way?
The Gator. Those jort wearing, mullet having, cousin ******* ******* from Gainesville
Fun fact: According to Google the most searched for phrase in Gainesville is “what to do when my house gets a flat tire”
What a way for us to announce to the college football world that we are back to **** up their plans by strolling into Gainesville and beating the brakes off of their double wides
Its poetic
I could get into a long history of what it means to play UiF
(I take a page from a Miami message board legend and refuse to call them UofF they are IN Florida)
But honestly…**** em.
The only advantage their fans can find is their home crowd
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This game is all about us. They just happen to be in the way.
THIS is why we start off the 2024 season with a must win beat down of the University IN Florida
Cam Ward: He is him. The most all around talented QB Miami has put under center since the glory days. He is a pure passer of the football as well as a true Alpha on the football field. He can also make enough plays with his legs to keep a defense honest. It might be loud in Gainesville, but the crowd is gonna hear the thump of Cams nuts hitting the field
Damien Martinez: Miami didn’t stop by just going and getting the best QB in the portal. They went and got the best RB available as well. I know people are scared of the MariBro ball myth, but one way to take the crowd out of the game is dominate them on the ground. Martinez is that guy and I expect a bigger pounding than the Houston 500
Bain: All due respect to Ahmmon Richards and Duke Johnson, but that was the most impressive freshman season I’ve ever witnessed last year. Last time a kid fucced that much on tv was Traci Lords. Some might be afraid of a sophomore slump, but this dude is about to join the elite
Kiko: This dude. A ******* terror at linebacker just like the glory days. He has one gear and it’s “Tren”. After years of abysmal linebacker play, this group is ready to be a weapon, and he is the 5 star general. He may kill someone
Riley Williams: My wild card for the season. Not expecting a world beater for a backup TE, but with all the (deserved) attention Arroyo and the WR group gets, Riley is a mismatch nightmare and I expect him to clean up some of his freshman issues and take that next step. A red zone TD is my prediction
Verdict:
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Gainesville just happens to be the first stop on our redemption tour. They can’t threaten us in any way. Gainesville sucks. They suck. Their fans suck.
Seriously fellow Canes fans. We’ve spent the offseason bickering and *****ing and fighting and arguing…debating once again WHAT THE **** went wrong. Well that’s over. Its time. We are all on the same side here and it’s time to channel the **** out of this energy and feed it to these dirtbags
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No ******* excuses
Let’s just kick their *** and go home
Good guys 27
**** boys 13
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It scuuurred me as much as it stirred me to action.
Canes Nation
Let's
*******
Go
