- Joined
- Nov 3, 2011
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- 40,813
Alright my brothers and sisters, grab your preworkout of choice, fill up that syringe of tren, and gather round, we’ve got some **** to discuss.
As I’m sitting here pondering the 2023 Miami Hurricanes football season, I can’t help but be reminded of the fitness industry in general. I’m not in to bodybuilding. ***** cringe as ****. However, something struck me as I was feeling the DMAA coursing through my veins.
Not unlike your favorite insta-hoes, the Miami Hurricanes in 2023 had a lot of filters. The lighting was perfect. The airbrushing was on point. We had our diet and water intake specifically designed to look phenomenal when that photo was taken.
But the truth is, like them hoes, we don’t actually look like that. When the lights come on, we are actually a little flabby, we’ve got some cellulite, and the pump has worn off.
Having said that, I still firmly believe this team is not a complete mirage and we just have to rely on our coaches to do a better job covering up those flaws because we’ve got the Clemson Tigers, a team we haven’t beaten in almost 15 years, coming to town, and despite their flaws as well, there’s nothing Dabo likes more than embarrassing us.
I won’t belabor the point about our Head Coach. After the GT game, I don’t even really want to mention his name. However, I still have faith in both of our coordinators to come up with a game plan that gives us a chance to win this one. There’s lots of nitpicking going on (some valid some absurd) but bottom line is after last years abomination on the field we currently have the #7 offense and the #18 defense in the country and that’s pretty impressive (even if somewhat skewed).
Having said all this, I’m feeling the euphoria kick in, I’m feeling the amphetamines sending my blood pressure through the roof….the endorphins….the adrenaline….
Thinking about that hypocritical “oh shucks golly” **** boy Dabo Swinney standing across the sideline, pumping his players full of cash stacks and SARMS all in the name of Jesus. Rumor has it that he had all of his bibles removed because the covers were black. “I prefer white” he said. I have zero doubt he loves beating us so badly because his shriveled little wang is still upset about the Miami Hurricanes putting Swag on the map.
**** this dude. **** everyone that commits to him. **** everyone that enables him. **** em…this is why we win:
Shannon Dawson: I get it. When we lose, we look for a reason why. We want to solve the puzzle. Truth is, this offense is flawed, but it’s dangerous every time it hits the field. Dawson doesn’t have elite talents to rely on so he has to pick and choose who can do what in which situation. Clemsons defense is outstanding and will likely be our toughest challenge of the season on that side of the ball for our OC and our QB, but Dawson has been a huge bright spot on the team this year and he will put our guys in positions to make plays.
Jacolby George: this board is obsessed with Restrepo and TVD, but beneath all of that nonsense, Jacolby George is having an absolutely massive breakout season. In fact, he’s saved his biggest games for the biggest stages (so far). This kid is smooth and reliable and in a game where big plays might be hard to come by, he might be our biggest threat. Look for him to score.
Jaden Davis: I had Jaden highlighted last week because frankly, I knew he would be targeted. It did not go his way like I hoped, but I think we bounce back this week. He made mistakes and is limited, but he was also hung out to dry by his teammates a few times. Clemson doesn’t have the juice UNC has and I expect the secondary to clean this up. Look for a bounce back here.
Wesley Bissainthe: my wild card on defense. When he’s out there he is a dude that jumps off the screen. He doesn’t play a ton of snaps (or doesn’t seem like he does) but he’s a big play waiting to happen every time he’s out there. We got absolutely housed on turnovers last week and we desperately need to flip that script. I look to Wes on a blitz to cause a big fumble or a TFL that leads to a turnover.
Tyler Van Dyke: He will be on my list every single week so let’s just get that out of the way. Like most college QBs, TVD is flawed. He’s also electric at times. Is TVD the QB that stares down a linebacker and throws him the ball? Is he the QB that stands in the pocket and takes an absolute decleating missile of a hit to the face so he can deliver one of the most impressive passes a Cane QB has thrown? Truth is he’s both. But I tend to see TVD as more the latter than the former. I expect him to play smarter this week against a tough defense, and deliver in the big moments.
Verdict:
I hate hypocrites man. ****** hate em. While I don’t like Mario’s tough talk and lack of discipline, I don’t think he’s a hypocrite. Dabo is a hypocrite. **** him. The season is in the balance for both teams this week and the fans need to get hype.
So throw on those waist trainers, put on those shoes with the heel that gives you another inch or two, stuff some socks down your pants, fluff up that combover, bang out those push-ups, because it’s time to cover up those flaws and bag this piece of *** anyway
Good guys 24
Bad Guys 17
As I’m sitting here pondering the 2023 Miami Hurricanes football season, I can’t help but be reminded of the fitness industry in general. I’m not in to bodybuilding. ***** cringe as ****. However, something struck me as I was feeling the DMAA coursing through my veins.
Not unlike your favorite insta-hoes, the Miami Hurricanes in 2023 had a lot of filters. The lighting was perfect. The airbrushing was on point. We had our diet and water intake specifically designed to look phenomenal when that photo was taken.
But the truth is, like them hoes, we don’t actually look like that. When the lights come on, we are actually a little flabby, we’ve got some cellulite, and the pump has worn off.
Having said that, I still firmly believe this team is not a complete mirage and we just have to rely on our coaches to do a better job covering up those flaws because we’ve got the Clemson Tigers, a team we haven’t beaten in almost 15 years, coming to town, and despite their flaws as well, there’s nothing Dabo likes more than embarrassing us.
I won’t belabor the point about our Head Coach. After the GT game, I don’t even really want to mention his name. However, I still have faith in both of our coordinators to come up with a game plan that gives us a chance to win this one. There’s lots of nitpicking going on (some valid some absurd) but bottom line is after last years abomination on the field we currently have the #7 offense and the #18 defense in the country and that’s pretty impressive (even if somewhat skewed).
Having said all this, I’m feeling the euphoria kick in, I’m feeling the amphetamines sending my blood pressure through the roof….the endorphins….the adrenaline….
Thinking about that hypocritical “oh shucks golly” **** boy Dabo Swinney standing across the sideline, pumping his players full of cash stacks and SARMS all in the name of Jesus. Rumor has it that he had all of his bibles removed because the covers were black. “I prefer white” he said. I have zero doubt he loves beating us so badly because his shriveled little wang is still upset about the Miami Hurricanes putting Swag on the map.
**** this dude. **** everyone that commits to him. **** everyone that enables him. **** em…this is why we win:
Shannon Dawson: I get it. When we lose, we look for a reason why. We want to solve the puzzle. Truth is, this offense is flawed, but it’s dangerous every time it hits the field. Dawson doesn’t have elite talents to rely on so he has to pick and choose who can do what in which situation. Clemsons defense is outstanding and will likely be our toughest challenge of the season on that side of the ball for our OC and our QB, but Dawson has been a huge bright spot on the team this year and he will put our guys in positions to make plays.
Jacolby George: this board is obsessed with Restrepo and TVD, but beneath all of that nonsense, Jacolby George is having an absolutely massive breakout season. In fact, he’s saved his biggest games for the biggest stages (so far). This kid is smooth and reliable and in a game where big plays might be hard to come by, he might be our biggest threat. Look for him to score.
Jaden Davis: I had Jaden highlighted last week because frankly, I knew he would be targeted. It did not go his way like I hoped, but I think we bounce back this week. He made mistakes and is limited, but he was also hung out to dry by his teammates a few times. Clemson doesn’t have the juice UNC has and I expect the secondary to clean this up. Look for a bounce back here.
Wesley Bissainthe: my wild card on defense. When he’s out there he is a dude that jumps off the screen. He doesn’t play a ton of snaps (or doesn’t seem like he does) but he’s a big play waiting to happen every time he’s out there. We got absolutely housed on turnovers last week and we desperately need to flip that script. I look to Wes on a blitz to cause a big fumble or a TFL that leads to a turnover.
Tyler Van Dyke: He will be on my list every single week so let’s just get that out of the way. Like most college QBs, TVD is flawed. He’s also electric at times. Is TVD the QB that stares down a linebacker and throws him the ball? Is he the QB that stands in the pocket and takes an absolute decleating missile of a hit to the face so he can deliver one of the most impressive passes a Cane QB has thrown? Truth is he’s both. But I tend to see TVD as more the latter than the former. I expect him to play smarter this week against a tough defense, and deliver in the big moments.
Verdict:
I hate hypocrites man. ****** hate em. While I don’t like Mario’s tough talk and lack of discipline, I don’t think he’s a hypocrite. Dabo is a hypocrite. **** him. The season is in the balance for both teams this week and the fans need to get hype.
So throw on those waist trainers, put on those shoes with the heel that gives you another inch or two, stuff some socks down your pants, fluff up that combover, bang out those push-ups, because it’s time to cover up those flaws and bag this piece of *** anyway
Good guys 24
Bad Guys 17
