Coaching Funny Quotes from your Coaches

[CANEMC]

Bulls**t you look like you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose

'Who reminds you to breathe son??????'

 

[Southcane]

 

[TurnoverCane]

you freshman are about as soft as whale ****

 

[Billy D Williams]

Hotter than a $20 ***** on pay day

That boy wouldn't hit water if he fell off a boat

Ya'll can sell your sweat for perfume

 

[TheProf]

It doesn't feel as funny writing it as it was during the moment, but, "Y'all boys got something nobody can see.... but I can see it. Y'll got some grit."

Real old school southern coach after a comeback victory.

 

[Ghandi]

“Unstrap that piano from your back and ruuuuuuun son!”

 

[Miami Knights 1215]

*add heavy southern accent on all these*

“Catch the john brown football son”

“Run the john brown play right”

“You moving slower than molasses uphill son”

 

[Home Slice]

We're small, but we're slow

You guys are a bunch of G. . D. . . . Morons

You have the brain of a 3 year old (insert name here) no, a 2 year old

You know what we have here? Mental midgets

No wonder we suck; it smells like a brewery in this huddle ( coach was correct during these Saturday morning practices following Friday night games)

Except for one assistant in college, my college coaching staff cussed less than my HS staff growing up in Miami

 

[305407cane]

Absolutely none of these would fly with these soft *** kids today

 

[dmitch]

You guys so **** sorry all of your children will be born naked.

 

[CANEMC]

Yelling at the WRs, 'He can't throw it and catch it! Utterly ridiculous!'

 

[WestEndZone]

My DC to me the spring before my college sophomore season. I was playing Will linebacker in a 43 under. The guy had been a GA under Charlie Strong at UF.

“You’re one biscuit away from being a 3 technique”

I promptly lost 20lbs that summer.

 

[Baba Yaga]

"Your best? Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and **** the prom queen".

 

[NJshoreCane]

"But I thought..."
"DON'T EVER THINK!!"

"It will be hot, take a few salt pills before the game."

Coach: How is he?
Doc: They knocked him out.
Coach to Me: Hey (smack)... hey (smack)... who am I?
Me: Uh...what happened coach?
Coach: He's good. Get him in there.

 

[caneULM]

"Son, you have as much guts as an earthworm" Coach Moncrief to me in 1986

 

[nccanesfan77]

Get the molasses out ya *** and run son

If you ain't cheatin you ain't tryin'

 

[Bipolarcane]

I had a coach tell me he thought Dominicans can play baseball and threaten to deport me. That **** was hilarious!

 

[Empirical Cane]

To a young war fighter who had on glasses:

"JFC you are wearing the hubble telescope on your face, can you see all the way to Uranus with those goggles? How many times do I have to instruct you..."

 

[CANEMC]

"Your best? Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and **** the prom queen".

‘Winners win and losers make excuses.’

 

[Donny Donowitz]

Put your A$$e$ On their Dic** - referring to boxing out in basketball.

This was my senior year in high school and he was the worst coach ever.

Also, probably a closet