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Coaching Funny Quotes from your Coaches

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I had a coach who had so many rememberable quotes. His #1 was attention to detail, so we were doing come drills as DBs. One dude kept knocking over the cones. He stops the drill and says...

"******* Mario (who was a senior), you wonder why you're still on JV. You're going to be on JV so long your grandkids are going to be come up to me...Coach Holland, why am I still on JV? And I'm going to tell them it's because your granddaddy Mario ****ed it all up for you!" 🤣🤣🤣
 
I played for legendary optimist HC Dare Darnell in the late 60’s and early 70’s at Pembroke Pines Optomist. He had a strict dress code - no facial hair, hair above the collar. Mine was a bit below my collar.

First practice he tells me I need to cut my hair. I told him my Mom wouldn’t be happy about it. He said, “That’s a first and until your Mom has a change of heart, you’ll run the fence before every practice.” The complex was surrounded by a fence and it was a little over a mile to run it. I can hear him now as soon as I got to practice “ Hit the fence.”
 
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NJshoreCane said:
"But I thought..."
"DON'T EVER THINK!!"

"It will be hot, take a few salt pills before the game."

Coach: How is he?
Doc: They knocked him out.
Coach to Me: Hey (smack)... hey (smack)... who am I?
Me: Uh...what happened coach?
Coach: He's good. Get him in there.
Click to expand...
Yep. Dem were the days!
 
During a practice scrimmage one day, the offense is trying to run a play where the front side OG (Offensive Guard) is pulling to kick my Defensive End (DE) out so they can run the ball “off tackle”. Well my DE is kicking their asses and destroying that play…. The OG can’t get my DE out of the hole, no matter how hard he’s trying…..but they keep running it, and I’m (DL Coach) is quietly laughing like ****. Finally the OL/OC has had enough and storms over to that kid and goes,
Coach: “Goddamnit Son, I need to tie a couple of turpentine dipped rags around your ankles.”
OG: “Huh?”
Coach: “Yeah…. so the ants can’t crawl up your legs and chew up your candied ***!” and walks off. Now I can’t hold it in and BOL.
 
I just remembered a quote an opposing coach said:

"Dudes got enough space to build his own garden"
 
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'Son - you look like a one legged man in an *** kickin' contest....'

"Where are my Toll collectors... I mean Defensive Line..."

"I thought I saw a Resemblance to Casper the Ghost on that Block"

After a missed assignment "Son, Do you really think your Mom loves you having you out here? "

JC
 
"Son you got a brain the size of a hummingbird's *** " or "Son, if you were to put your brain up a hummingbird's *** it would be like putting a BB in a boxcar"
 
Late 90’s, high school in cincy. Our coach was 79’s and senile. There was an incident where a freshman made a racist comment. Coach made him address the entire team and apologize. When he was done, coach says “that’s good. And if anybody ever hears anybody say that kind of thing, you tell them to shut their cotton-picking’ mouth” completely unaware and oblivious to the origins of that phrase
 
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Can I get a general shoutout to the term “playing grabass”, a term reserved for football coaches and gym teachers? I’ve always wondered how you play that. Do you run around in a circle grabbing the guy in front of you’s ***?
 
I sure as **** never heard the words 'padded' practice come out of my coach's mouth. We practiced in 'full pads', 'half pads', 'helmets & shorts' - but not once did a coach EVER say that we were going to have a 'padded practice'; and yes, it's a pet-peeve.
 
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Since our coaches tried not to curse. There were some really funny moments like our DB coach yelling after someone blew a coverage in practice. “ YOU GUYS ARE PLAYING LIKE A BUNCHA BROKEN TOASTERS OUT THERE!!!” Lol
 
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