Since coaches are a hot topic at the moment and maybe because I'm a glutton for punishment, I decided to rank my 5 most hated coaches (assistant or HC) post-Coker. Year after year of watching the Canes have left me a bit numb, I need to feel something and what better way than to release the hate.
And I use the phrase "most hated" and not the word "worst" because rather than just simply look at numbers/statistics, I wanted to rank the coaches by the amount of rage that surfaced watching their interviews. By how much I wanted to jump through my screen and slap the $h!t out of them. By how much agitation they caused me during their tenure. Looking back through the last 15 or so years of utter garbage was BRUTAL. I'm not sure how many other upper-tier P5 schools have had as poor of a record hiring a football staff, but it cannot be many. It was difficult narrowing this list to 5 after sifting through all the names, so you can bet that I'm not overly optimistic for our next hire. In reverse-order:
5) Patrick Nix / OC / 2007 - 2008
I had trouble deciding between this bible-quoting gump and that prick Dan Enos for producing the worst offense I've ever seen. I gave it to Nix in the end because I had to endure an extra year of eye-gouging offense. Coached WR at Charleston Southern afterwards and has been bouncing around Alabama high schools ever since.
4) Al Golden / HC / 2011 - 2015
Another tough choice between him and Diaz. Got destroyed in bowl games, never beat FSU. Completely unaware trying to fatten up players like Chickillo. Shannon had the UVA blowout and Diaz had UNC as their most embarrassing losses, but the 58-0 Clemson beat down has been the closest I've come to questioning my fandom and just forgetting about college football. He can shove his pillars up his...nevermind.
3) Blake Baker / DC / 2019 - 2020
Completely unqualified to be the DC here. It felt like he was just Manny's puppet who had no original ideas of his own. Absolutely no personality, I recall during the UNC game a shot of him on the sidelines doing nothing. I was yelling so much at the screen to make some adjustments, do SOMETHING, ANYTHING. I know coaches don't like to divulge much during media availability and provide mainly coach-speak, but this guy gave new meaning to the word "generic". He was popping off on social media about nabbing DeMario Tolan when everyone knows **** well that he probably had like 2% to do with that commit. He was also the LB coach and the unit became a joke. Which leads me to the next guy...
2) Jon Patke / Water Boy / 2016 - 2021
Everything I said about Baker, you can pump the volume to 11 for this @$#%&^. If you saw his interviews you'd think he might be a robot. You can tell he looks at Diaz as some sort of coaching deity for giving him a chance. This guy should be a GA at best, not in charge of TWO of our units. This LB room might be the single worst unit of the last 15 years. (well maybe QB's under Enos or OL with Barry). Cannot recruit or develop whatsoever. I will be shocked if he ever rises above position coach at a mid-level P5 for the rest of his career.
1) Mark D'Onofrio / DC / 2011 - 2015
What can I say about good 'ol Mark. *)^!@*$^!)*@^$*)(!&@$#*(#&&&&#&#&*^!#*(^$(&#@^($&!%(&$%^&!%#$(&%!#(&$%(&!#%$^&(!#. Watching his bend but still break defense gave me the most health problems post-Coker. He has the most punchable face out of them all. Had a terrible couple of years as Houston's DC and has been out of coaching ever since.
I mean, look at the names I had to leave off for the honorable mention section: Manny Diaz, Paul Williams, Rumph (although he was a great player here and his units were solid for the most part), Searels, Jon Richt, Dan Enos, Butch Barry, Taylor Stubblefield etc. Whew, I feel a little better now.
