- Joined
- Jan 27, 2012
- Messages
- 16,693
Cut to the chase, y’all know how this works, we got teams left to play. Rather than give a banal “win-loss” prediction, I am going to put each team we play in a proverbial row on a list, assigning them a letter grade.
You will disagree with me. You will be wrong, but you will disagree.
UCLA TIER
Once upon a time in 1998, Sir Edgerrin James ran for a Big East record 2.99 million yards against Cade McNown and the visiting #2 UCLA Bruins. It was a bloody, title fight of a game, blurring the lines between boxing and football in the best possible way. The Canes finished 7-3 that year, but this game, rescheduled from a hurricane earlier in the year, convinced me as a youth that Miami could win it all again. It would take two years for UM to earn that right, albeit one that was denied them because the BCS didn’t factor in head to head, but the UCLA game was the moment Miami walked out of the halls of mediocrity and slew a giant.
UCLA Tier teams represent the maximum challenge and potential for Miami to improve their spot in the CFB landscape.
TAMU TIER
These are team who are equivalent to Texas A&M in either talent or proficiency, with some degree of grace sprinkled in. (Therefore, let “T+” mean the team is a better version of TAMU as a quality opponent, and “T-” mean the team is a worse version.) I believe the Aggies are a decent squad, capable of winning the scabby SEC West. Are they a playoff team? No, they aren't even almost a playoff team. But these are the faces you step on while climbing up the CFB mountain. These are the hopeful, talented teams we used to disembowel by midway through the second quarter. Now we just need to beat them more often than not.
TAMU Tier teams are the most like Miami at this point in the season: everything in front of them, with the opportunity to make the ACC Championship.
COASTAL TIER
These are teams who have forgotten that the ACC defied the will of God and abandoned divisions. Zombified by nostalgia, they are manufacturing a nearly pristine reproduction of a Coastal Division season. They will win games they shouldn’t, lose what they should win, utterly despoiling the ambitions of other teams while not meaningfully improving their own opportunity.
Coastal Tier teams are defined by one rule: If you lose to a Coastal team, you are a Coastal team. Just like a zombie bite.
BETHUNE-COOKMAN TIER
These are teams that Bethune-Cookman may beat 5 times out of 10.
U TIER
FSU
“What’s up baby!?”
The head coach of our rivals has the voice of a broken squeeze toy, yet somehow grown men respond to the sound of his voice and play actual football. Winning football. These big baby dolls probably have the most year end potential of any squad Miami plays this year. They can run (unless they're playing Clemson), they can pass (unless they don't throw to Coleman). They have a great DE (who Mario will forever regret not pursuing harder). On Saturday, they let Clemson play superior football for vast swatches of the game, only to break their brains with a few key plays. They are not as good or as overrated as you think they are, but they are a standard. And they are the dumbest fan base alive.
Clemson
“Do you believe?”
Miami fans love to moan about how UNC has owned us the past decade, like an older cousin who’s somehow always bigger and stronger when it matters. Well Clemdump is the kid from another neighborhood who visits twice a summer and always shames you in front of "that girl". He has a psychological advantage as soon as you say his name. Hearing “oh Ronnie is here” sent you into the kiddie version of PTSD. You're 42 and 6’3/265 now, but if you saw Ronnie’s 5’7/155 soaking wet silhouette peak around the tree, you’d suddenly hear your mom calling you home. Down year or not, you can’t be Clemson until you beat Clemson.
T TIER
UNC (T+)
"Welcome to the ACC!"
I wasn't just at Keenen in 2004 when Connor Barth kicked the game winning field goal as time expired, I was in the student section. Me and one other Cane friend got handed student IDs for the night because none of them believed they could beat the megadeath that was early 2000s Miami football. Well, no one but Connor Barth. That was the night Miami was baptized into futility, and the entire way back to student housing my friend and I were serenaded with shouts of "WELCOME TO THE ACC!" Coach L owns these pasty, sweater-vest snuggling trust fundies, it would be nice if Mario could wipe the scent of urine that Manny spread all over the place.
LOUISVILLE (T-)
"Former Big East schools..."
Look, Louisville is one of the ACC teams that I just can't bring myself to hate. I think it has something to do with them beating FSU often enough to make me smile, and their general look of "yeah, we don't belong here either." I have a sister in law who married into the same big family that I did. Inevitably we'll exchange a nod at Thanksgiving or a birthday party, expressing a cross-room solidarity that the family we are now a part of is more than a little odd. The Cardinals aren't home in the ACC any more than Miami is, but I we'll need to clip their wings on the way to glory.
C TIER
NC State
"All Dave Doren does is win 9 games."
All Dave Doren does is win 9 games.
Georgia Tech
"If they could just recruit Atlanta"
ramblinwreckreport.wordpress.com
B-C TIER
Boston College
I'm not even formatting your name, BC.
Virginia
"Regulation is motivation."
This team is straight juice of the booty.
You will disagree with me. You will be wrong, but you will disagree.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
SKED TIER KEY
SKED TIER KEY
UCLA TIER
Once upon a time in 1998, Sir Edgerrin James ran for a Big East record 2.99 million yards against Cade McNown and the visiting #2 UCLA Bruins. It was a bloody, title fight of a game, blurring the lines between boxing and football in the best possible way. The Canes finished 7-3 that year, but this game, rescheduled from a hurricane earlier in the year, convinced me as a youth that Miami could win it all again. It would take two years for UM to earn that right, albeit one that was denied them because the BCS didn’t factor in head to head, but the UCLA game was the moment Miami walked out of the halls of mediocrity and slew a giant.
UCLA Tier teams represent the maximum challenge and potential for Miami to improve their spot in the CFB landscape.
TAMU TIER
These are team who are equivalent to Texas A&M in either talent or proficiency, with some degree of grace sprinkled in. (Therefore, let “T+” mean the team is a better version of TAMU as a quality opponent, and “T-” mean the team is a worse version.) I believe the Aggies are a decent squad, capable of winning the scabby SEC West. Are they a playoff team? No, they aren't even almost a playoff team. But these are the faces you step on while climbing up the CFB mountain. These are the hopeful, talented teams we used to disembowel by midway through the second quarter. Now we just need to beat them more often than not.
TAMU Tier teams are the most like Miami at this point in the season: everything in front of them, with the opportunity to make the ACC Championship.
COASTAL TIER
These are teams who have forgotten that the ACC defied the will of God and abandoned divisions. Zombified by nostalgia, they are manufacturing a nearly pristine reproduction of a Coastal Division season. They will win games they shouldn’t, lose what they should win, utterly despoiling the ambitions of other teams while not meaningfully improving their own opportunity.
Coastal Tier teams are defined by one rule: If you lose to a Coastal team, you are a Coastal team. Just like a zombie bite.
BETHUNE-COOKMAN TIER
These are teams that Bethune-Cookman may beat 5 times out of 10.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
SKED TIER LIST
SKED TIER LIST
U TIER
FSU
“What’s up baby!?”
The head coach of our rivals has the voice of a broken squeeze toy, yet somehow grown men respond to the sound of his voice and play actual football. Winning football. These big baby dolls probably have the most year end potential of any squad Miami plays this year. They can run (unless they're playing Clemson), they can pass (unless they don't throw to Coleman). They have a great DE (who Mario will forever regret not pursuing harder). On Saturday, they let Clemson play superior football for vast swatches of the game, only to break their brains with a few key plays. They are not as good or as overrated as you think they are, but they are a standard. And they are the dumbest fan base alive.
Clemson
“Do you believe?”
Miami fans love to moan about how UNC has owned us the past decade, like an older cousin who’s somehow always bigger and stronger when it matters. Well Clemdump is the kid from another neighborhood who visits twice a summer and always shames you in front of "that girl". He has a psychological advantage as soon as you say his name. Hearing “oh Ronnie is here” sent you into the kiddie version of PTSD. You're 42 and 6’3/265 now, but if you saw Ronnie’s 5’7/155 soaking wet silhouette peak around the tree, you’d suddenly hear your mom calling you home. Down year or not, you can’t be Clemson until you beat Clemson.
T TIER
UNC (T+)
"Welcome to the ACC!"
I wasn't just at Keenen in 2004 when Connor Barth kicked the game winning field goal as time expired, I was in the student section. Me and one other Cane friend got handed student IDs for the night because none of them believed they could beat the megadeath that was early 2000s Miami football. Well, no one but Connor Barth. That was the night Miami was baptized into futility, and the entire way back to student housing my friend and I were serenaded with shouts of "WELCOME TO THE ACC!" Coach L owns these pasty, sweater-vest snuggling trust fundies, it would be nice if Mario could wipe the scent of urine that Manny spread all over the place.
LOUISVILLE (T-)
"Former Big East schools..."
Look, Louisville is one of the ACC teams that I just can't bring myself to hate. I think it has something to do with them beating FSU often enough to make me smile, and their general look of "yeah, we don't belong here either." I have a sister in law who married into the same big family that I did. Inevitably we'll exchange a nod at Thanksgiving or a birthday party, expressing a cross-room solidarity that the family we are now a part of is more than a little odd. The Cardinals aren't home in the ACC any more than Miami is, but I we'll need to clip their wings on the way to glory.
C TIER
NC State
"All Dave Doren does is win 9 games."
All Dave Doren does is win 9 games.
Georgia Tech
"If they could just recruit Atlanta"
Geoff Collins and Georgia Tech Release New “GREAT” Slogan
With Geoff Collins’ hire to Georgia Tech, the most exciting aspect of it was his energy and swag. It’s shown everywhere he’s gone with his swag chalice, personal drawings to recru…
ramblinwreckreport.wordpress.com
B-C TIER
Boston College
I'm not even formatting your name, BC.
Virginia
"Regulation is motivation."
This team is straight juice of the booty.
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