Thoughts From the Bench Press: Virginia Tech

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That’s right my meatheads and meathandlers it’s that time of the week again!

The hour is late

It’s time to dig ****** deep

**** the nosebleeds

**** the heart palpitations

ITS BENCHHHH DAYYYY BABBBBBBYYYYY

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Last week Miami took care of business and looked the best it has as a team since FSU (first 3 quarters)

Peanut butter smooth Charmin soft shoulder posters talking bout “CJ BAILEY GONNA BE THE DADDY I NEVER HAD”

Some friends of mine asked me who we played I’m like well Miami fans seem to be worried about CJ Bailey I dunno

They were all like “who the **** is CJ Bailey?”

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Heatherman to Bailey:

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Next up?

Virginia Tech

I’ve been reading the 7,645,837 tism threads and posts about playoff models and scenarios like this

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Only one thing matters now

Dominate

Say it with your chest in your Ed Reed voice

The playoff committee said DOMINATE and we ain’t doing it

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Virginia Tech will play Enter Sandman this week but the Sandman needs to be us

We need to put those mother****ers to sleep in the first round and not let go

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Let’s be honest: the defense has carried us all season and the offense has been ****

The defense got Michael Meyers grip strength while the offense has been that little stumpy tard hand from Scary Movie

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Time for them to step the **** up

There’s plenty of talent and money thrown around so SHOW ME (meaning the committee)

THIS is why I think we put them in the Figure 4 and end it early

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Toney: Little Deebo but also not fat like Deebo. Not a catchy nickname but I’m going with it. He should get Heisman votes this year. Even the Catholic Church would be stunned at the load this young man is carrying. With CJ coming back and Marion emerging as a threat, I want to see Dawson continue to use creative ways to get him the ball. He’s our best playmaker on offense by far

Pringle: “Bye Felicia” is what he told Jordan Lyle last week. It’s a recycled joke from the Gameday thread but Pringle cuts decisively like an emo chick with two loving parents. He’s small and takes an absolute beating in pass pro, but call Mendeleev because this dude adds an element we’ve desperately needed

Jakobe Thomas: Call this dude Finasteride because he is HIM. Lose our most important player on defense? No problem. If we had Scott and Thomas last year we probably win at least 1 playoff game but I digress. This kid is from friggin Tullahoma and he cranks out more consistent bangers than Dustin Lynch. I expect more big plays this week

Moten: Welcome to the program young man. Dude was flat out DOMINANT at times last week wrecking the middle of the NCST OL like John Holmes with some poor unsuspecting girl from Kansas looking to make her name in Hollywood. He’s gone from unheralded legacy and castoff to the absolute stalwart on the DL. Good for you big dog


Verdict:

We are gonna **** these dudes up. Bad.

VT is feeling a little high from the James Franklin news (and they should be imo) but he ain’t walking through that door this week

Hey James

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Remember when Al Golden was in the booth watching Miami play Notre Dame and Jacory Harris threw the same INT on the same play twice in a row?

“Oh goodness”

That’s what Franklin is gonna be saying this week

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Next week at Pitt is next week and we will worry about that later. The team will be focused on both sides of the ball and will set up the final week showdown for the all in pot

Because…why wouldn’t it?

Good Guys 41
Bad Guys 6

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Got to this late but glad I did. Another gem!
 
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