- Joined
- Nov 3, 2011
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- 53,371
It’s that time of the week again mutha****as and muth****ettes!
Ifs time to fill up that syringe and grip a buttcheek harder than an offensive tackle holding on to Bain for dear life
It’s time to spread enough snow to make the weather channel drop what they’re doing and head to Miami
It’s mother****ing BENCH DAYYYYY
Today may be Halloween but every Miami Hurricane fan knows the real scary season begins on November 1st
November
Once again Miami has started off strong (to varying degrees) but after each win we’ve been looking out into the backyard knowing something was looming
No more tricks, no more treats…it’s time to get ******* serious
This is what all the reps in June meant
I will admit this one is lighter on jokes than most because frankly our backs are against the wall and ******* around time is over
The most important stretch in Miami this side of Tootsies
Like the big ****y heroine (maybe a Mario joke?) in any scary movie it’s time to flip the script on the boogeyman
First victim?
A fitting one
SMU
In the Halloween movies, Michael Meyers systematically tries to kill off his family members. Whelp look no further than the other sideline. Plenty of old Canes still lurking. Last year those castoffs played for the ACC title under our old OC while we sat home
I’ll spare some of the more graphic gifs but
It’s their Homecoming game and I’ve heard about how rowdy the crowd will get
All 30k of them
To be honest you’d get a bigger crowd in Texas by opening a new Bucees
THIS is why we finally start exorcising those November demons, beginning with SMU
Bain: If Michael Meyers played football he’d be Bain. Superhuman strength. No emotion. Endless motor. You can run from him the entire movie but he’s going to keep showing up. He will get the kill eventually. We’ve handled mobile QBs pretty well this year because of him on the edge. I expect this to continue
Lightfoot: If Slenderman played DE he’d be Lightfoot. Terrifying bend and scary talent when deployed correctly. Yeah he could add some weight but he’s more niche at the moment and plenty capable. If predicting a sack/FF in this one
Mesidor: If Jason Voorhies were a DE he’d be Mesidor. The board has killed him off so many times but he keeps getting rebooted (that’s a foot injury joke). He’s very similar to Bain just with more mileage. Somehow someway he always pops up outta nowhere to deliver the kill shot
Malachi Toney: If Art the Clown were a WR he’d be Toney. Is he supernatural? Is he a real human being? No one knows the true mythos. He may be new to the scene but he’s no less terrifying. Every game he seems to up the ante with doing absolutely disgusting things to a defense. I expect him to make us go “that’s sickening” a few more times AND ACTUALLY HOUSE A PUNT THIS WEEK
Beck: If M Night Shamalamalama was a college QB he’d be Carson Beck. He follows up absolute gems with pure flops seemingly out of nowhere. Every time he drops back to pass it’s like walking into the movie theater not knowing if you’re there for Sixth Sense or The Happening. Dude just get the ball to Bruce Willis (Toney) and let it rip
Verdict:
It’s November. It’s the road.
Watching Miami this time of the year can feel a bit like rhis:
We need a young priest and an old priest
It’s time for a fresh reboot
SMU presents some challenges on offense and defense and I expect Rhett Lashlee to throw everything in the playbook at us. It might be tight at the beginning if the offense can’t set the tone
After not trailing the entire season we’ve now gone behind in 3 straight games
We are meant to be a front running team and watching us try and battle back from behind on offense has been scarier than that farmhouse scene in The Conjuring
Much like Saw X I think this game won’t be perfect but will put us back on track
Take a lesson from Jamie Lee Curtis:
Survive and advance
Sorry November
Oh and since we went with a theme here I didn’t get any 80s **** references in so just google Dominique Simone and thank me later
Good Guys 27
Bad Guys 17
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