- Joined
- Nov 3, 2011
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- 53,260
That’s right mutha****as it’s that same **** thing at the same **** time but this one is gonna hit harder
We need it all this week
It’s been a long **** season. We are tired. We are hurt. Our livers are begging for dear life.
**** that
Beat on your vein until it wakes up like you did on quarter draft night back in college and you got the big ****y goth chick back in your dorm room
I want those vials lined up like mason jars in a hillbillies moonshine hut
I want a needle as big as the rolling pin Pat Narduzzi shoves up his corn pipe
I want so much snow you need a ******* cropduster plane
We’ve got one chance
One opportunity
So sprinkle some cocaine on moms spaghetti and turn your living rooms into a ******* snow globe if you can’t be in Pittsburgh
ITS MOTHER****ING BENCH DAY
Just like me the first time I caught a glimpse of a boob in the squiggly lines of the Spice Channel (coulda been a boob, coulda been a pillow we will go with boob)…
The playoffs have come early
After SMU I thought our season was over. Dead. Deceased. Done.
Somehow, some way the playoff committee has come around like the Night King and raised our cold dead playoff hopes and said
“Show us”
You may disagree but I think if we win convincingly we are in and I’m gonna treat this hype piece that way
We must leave NO ******* DOUBTS
All the ups and downs
All the bull****
It all comes down to this
One last ride (hopefully not) for Malachi Toney and his Immortals
And who do we see on the other sideline?
This absolute PILE of ****
If Punchable Faces had a playoff this ******* guy would be the #1 seed
I’d rather send my teenager to be Brian Kelly’s videographer in the middle of Twister Part 3 than let my kid play for this ******* guy
**** em
No pause
It’s Mario. It’s November. It’s the Road. It’s the ACC.
Our honorary captains this week need to be a young priest and an old priest because we need a ******* exorcism
THIS is why we finally flip the script, beat the brakes off Pitt, and get our rightful spot in the playoffs:
Malachi Toney: Arguably the most valuable player on any team in the country. Receiving, rushing, passing, punt returning…the kid can literally do it all. Last time someone burst on to the scene like this was Abella Danger. He’s a legit Heisman contender. The injuries on offense seemed to force our hand and the offense has looked so much better since we’ve used creative ways to get him the ball. JUST FEED THIS BEAST.
Ahmad Moten: This dude just stays getting better every game. The defense has been dropping like flies lately but this is one guy that’s been rock solid in the middle. Opposing OL have looked like tourist spectators in Pamplona bouncing off of this bull. Him and Justin Scott have emerged and we will need them against a tough Pitt offense. These dudes are gonna clog the middle like a Thanksgiving casserole
Carson Beck: Bekyll and Hyde indeed. To be fair he almost always completes his throws just happens to be to the other team sometimes. Well this is it. I think he’s got heart. I think he knows what this game means and I think he’s gonna respond. He’s played the game for a long time and he knows the majority of the country is hoping he fails. He won’t. He will treat the Pitt defense like an overrated influencer, pick em apart, and toss em to the curb
Elijah Lofton: I know I know. He’s been the biggest disappointment since The Last Airbender. Last couple weeks as the offense has torn off that shrink wrap, we’ve seen him get some more space. Pitt will have a lot to think about this week and I think Lofton can sneak a score past them
Verdict:
It’s ok to be afraid. Fear is like a fire.
Yeah sure we’ve ****ed up in this spot many times before but this time it’s gonna be different
We are gonna harness this energy and instead of shelling up, we are gonna leave it all on the field
There is no tomorrow if we lose. Ain’t none of these dudes hungry for ******* pop tarts
Dawson has been in his bag more than a greedy little **** on Halloween trick or treating in the rich neighborhoods
The defense has carried us all season and the leadership of Mesidor, Bain, Thomas and co. is gonna make sure our season lives another day
LETS
MOTHER****ING
GO
Good Guys 30
Bad Guys 13
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