forums

Thoughts From the Bench Press: Florida

Advertisement
rsa coral gables said:
is that carson beck picture re package and calendar authentic? if so, it is HILARIOUS
Click to expand...
1758309838904.gif
 
JHallCanes said:
View attachment 336304

It’s a bad ****** day to be a brick wall

It’s Florida week

It’s Gameday

It’s Prime Time

It’s MOTHAFUGGGGGIN BENCH DAY BABY!!!

Inject this schedule right into my veins

View attachment 336305

This thread is not for rat poison boot shaking knee knocking pussies that have been dumping their estrogen all over this board all week

If I read one more erectile dysfunctional post about being worried about the team being ready…I swear yall Jessie Spano (sorry to your boy @k9cane ) mfers I’m gonna puke

View attachment 336308

Cleanup on aisle 6 mother****ers your boy is here to help restore balance

View attachment 336307

View attachment 336306

View attachment 336345

Now that we’ve got that settled let’s focus on our Miami Hurricanes

Top 5 by anyone that matters, fresh off of an absolute prison pounding of USF that would make Nevin Shapiro have flashbacks of biting a pillow with his face covered in syrup

**** USF. They were nobody and we proved it.

Up next is the University IN Florida. The Gaytors.

Their coach is a joke. Their QB is a fraud. Their fanbase is delusional at best. Right now they are Old Yeller and we’ve got the gun.

View attachment 336312

**** em.

Unfortunately this may be the last time we ever play them (it’ll happen eventually but still) so let’s go out in style and put their coach in a body bag

View attachment 336314

THIS is why we absolutely trash the Gaytuh

Carson Beck: As advertised and then some. Poise. Pin point accuracy. Last week he pulled out a new move that sent the USF defense spiraling faster than the one he pulled on that basic social media influencer. The RPO keeper was basically the butt stuff he had been holding back and now he’s got the media fighting for position on his jock. Florida has a solid defense but they will be spectators to the show. We swapped #fillthesleeves with #filltheskeeves. My captain my captain.

Bain: This kid had played the entire season like a 60 hour a week blue collar dad coming home drunk. He’s just looking for someone to punch on as soon as he hits the field. Dominant against the run. Dominant in pass rush. So much for the “fat and lazy” monicker he was saddled with last year because this dude is playing with an anger that only a fifth of Wild Turkey and a wood paneling wall can fix.

Malachi Toney: Last time a 17 year old had this much graphic content on a TV screen was Traci Lords. This time he’s the one been doin the ******. More jock straps laying on the ground than in the Gaytor locker room. Well he’s legal now and it’s time for PRIME TIME.

Bryce Fitzgerald: He’s been snatching balls like Tim Tebow on a circumcision mission. The first true ball hawk we’ve seen here in years. He’s got a ways to go but I look for him to take advantage of an errant Lagway pass (or two)

Verdict:

View attachment 336321

Last time Gameday came to Miami we responded by blowing the doors off of Notre Dames van worse than a Taliban suicide bomber

It’s in Prime Time. Again. It’s Mario vs Florida. It’s the Canes and the Gators. It’s college football at its best.

The Gators are a wounded animal and we are the hunters.

There’s nothing that can stop this Hurricane from tearing through the UiF team. Nothing.

They’ll kick and scream like Aaron Hernandez in prison….but it’s gonna happen anyway

View attachment 336322

Good guys 34
Bad guys 13


View attachment 336324
Click to expand...
bill.gif
tumblr_lvgm1whNKs1qdlkgg540.gif

 
If you ever wondered what testosterone sounds like, wonder no longer. You won't even need your car, you will sprint to the gym like Ultimate Warrior circa 1989.

 
Advertisement
JHallCanes said:
Bain: This kid had played the entire season like a 60 hour a week blue collar dad coming home drunk. He’s just looking for someone to punch on as soon as he hits the field.
Click to expand...
These two sentences could have been written by ****ens, Hemingway, or Tolstoy. Nope. They were scribed by our beloved pundit, gym rat, and aficionado of 1980's ****, JHallCanes. Standing rhythmic prison clap.

Clap Clapping GIF
 
JHallCanes said:
View attachment 336304

It’s a bad ****** day to be a brick wall

It’s Florida week

It’s Gameday

It’s Prime Time

It’s MOTHAFUGGGGGIN BENCH DAY BABY!!!

Inject this schedule right into my veins

View attachment 336305

This thread is not for rat poison boot shaking knee knocking pussies that have been dumping their estrogen all over this board all week

If I read one more erectile dysfunctional post about being worried about the team being ready…I swear yall Jessie Spano (sorry to your boy @k9cane ) mfers I’m gonna puke

View attachment 336308

Cleanup on aisle 6 mother****ers your boy is here to help restore balance

View attachment 336307

View attachment 336306

View attachment 336352

Now that we’ve got that settled let’s focus on our Miami Hurricanes

Top 5 by anyone that matters, fresh off of an absolute prison pounding of USF that would make Nevin Shapiro have flashbacks of biting a pillow with his face covered in syrup

**** USF. They were nobody and we proved it.

Up next is the University IN Florida. The Gaytors.

Their coach is a joke. Their QB is a fraud. Their fanbase is delusional at best. Right now they are Old Yeller and we’ve got the gun.

View attachment 336312

**** em.

Unfortunately this may be the last time we ever play them (it’ll happen eventually but still) so let’s go out in style and put their coach in a body bag

View attachment 336314

THIS is why we absolutely trash the Gaytuh

Carson Beck: As advertised and then some. Poise. Pin point accuracy. Last week he pulled out a new move that sent the USF defense spiraling faster than the one he pulled on that basic social media influencer. The RPO keeper was basically the butt stuff he had been holding back and now he’s got the media fighting for position on his jock. Florida has a solid defense but they will be spectators to the show. We swapped #fillthesleeves with #filltheskeeves. My captain my captain.

Bain: This kid had played the entire season like a 60 hour a week blue collar dad coming home drunk. He’s just looking for someone to punch on as soon as he hits the field. Dominant against the run. Dominant in pass rush. So much for the “fat and lazy” monicker he was saddled with last year because this dude is playing with an anger that only a fifth of Wild Turkey and a wood paneling wall can fix.

Malachi Toney: Last time a 17 year old had this much graphic content on a TV screen was Traci Lords. This time he’s the one been doin the ******. More jock straps laying on the ground than in the Gaytor locker room. Well he’s legal now and it’s time for PRIME TIME.

Bryce Fitzgerald: He’s been snatching balls like Tim Tebow on a circumcision mission. The first true ball hawk we’ve seen here in years. He’s got a ways to go but I look for him to take advantage of an errant Lagway pass (or two)

Verdict:

View attachment 336321

Last time Gameday came to Miami we responded by blowing the doors off of Notre Dames van worse than a Taliban suicide bomber

It’s in Prime Time. Again. It’s Mario vs Florida. It’s the Canes and the Gators. It’s college football at its best.

The Gators are a wounded animal and we are the hunters.

There’s nothing that can stop this Hurricane from tearing through the UiF team. Nothing.

They’ll kick and scream like Aaron Hernandez in prison….but it’s gonna happen anyway

View attachment 336322

Good guys 34
Bad guys 13


View attachment 336324
Click to expand...
Legend.
 
Advertisement
Back
Top