Now how many times have you and your shrink talked about this? Every morning you say it in the mirror, "I am not ***. These hands are Putang only"! You've put in alot of time and effort. Don't derail yourself nystate. You have my full support, but you may need to say it 10x in your routine if the Fedora truly roams our sidelines soon.
Stay strong, or get out of that closet.
Atta boy. Add that to your mirror routine as well every day. Say it strong like you mean it. I believe you 100%..don't get me wrong. Just not sure you're convinced yet.