Off-Topic Taking care of elderly handicapped parents.

[DoctorKrazey]

Recently, my mom has been confined to a bed and it’s extremely stressful and tiring having to change her, bring her medicine, feed her, etc. all while working a full-time job and raising my own family. Luckily, my wife and daughter have been helping a lot, but the healthcare industry is an absolute joke. Nobody cares, nobody wants to help, all they want is money. My dad can barely walk also so I’m having to help him a bunch as well. It’s weird how, when you’re a baby your parents change/feed you and when you get older the roles reverse. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and how you coped/managed? Any suggestions?

 

[Tony4Canes]

Recently, my mom has been confined to a bed and it’s extremely stressful and tiring having to change her, bring her medicine, feed her, etc. all while working a full-time job and raising my own family. Luckily, my wife and daughter have been helping a lot, but the healthcare industry is an absolute joke. Nobody cares, nobody wants to help, all they want is money. My dad can barely walk also so I’m having to help him a bunch as well. It’s weird how, when you’re a baby your parents change/feed you and when you get older the roles reverse. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and how you coped/managed? Any suggestions?

Very tough. As my dad mobility went down hill, so many times he fell and couldn't get up on own. His bathroom was on 2nd floor so that made going to bathroom difficult for him. I was fortunate enough, my aunt who has RN background was able to let him move in with her but in SC & I'm in OH. Now that he is gone, wish I would have visited him more in SC.

My mom was also headed that same way before she passed away last year.

I have to say, trying to take care of them was one of the toughest things for me ever.

 

[MadCane]

There are plenty of options for in home nursing care, but they will want compensation for their services.

 

[Rickd]

Very difficult and unfortunate situation. Had a similar situation with a younger sister 5 years ago who lived 1500 miles from me, and had fallen ill and had what was diagnosed as dementia. She ended up in a full scale memory care unit, improved dramatically with proper diet and nutrition, is out of memory care, but in full time assisted living. Not inexpensive. Fortunately her retirement benefits more than cover her $6500 per month ALF costs.

 

[Citizen Cane]

I've never personally experienced it, but have worked in healthcare for over 20 years and have witnessed the difficulties it can put on families. What stinks is how expensive it is to hire personal caregivers to assist some during the day or night and health insurance companies don't cover those expenses unless you have "long-term care" insurance.

 

[JD08]

Recently, my mom has been confined to a bed and it’s extremely stressful and tiring having to change her, bring her medicine, feed her, etc. all while working a full-time job and raising my own family. Luckily, my wife and daughter have been helping a lot, but the healthcare industry is an absolute joke. Nobody cares, nobody wants to help, all they want is money. My dad can barely walk also so I’m having to help him a bunch as well. It’s weird how, when you’re a baby your parents change/feed you and when you get older the roles reverse. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and how you coped/managed? Any suggestions?

Home health nurse is the best option. Talk to her PCP about what options are available. They don't know you need help until you tell them. If she's been in the hospital recently, they have nurse navigators that can also provide guidance.

I had to take off work to take my father to appointments and help him get errands run, so I know it can be tiresome. But one day, you'll look back and wish you could trade that burden for just one more day.

 

[Rickd]

Home health nurse is the best option. Talk to her PCP about what options are available. They don't know you need help until you tell them. If she's been in the hospital recently, they have nurse navigators that can also provide guidance.

I had to take off work to take my father to appointments and help him get errands run, so I know it can be tiresome. But one day, you'll look back and wish you could trade that burden for just one more day.

Home health nurses are expensive. Depends on how much assistance you need. They generally work 8 hour shifts at $25 per hour. My sister needed that care for a couple of weeks while she was being evaluated and approved for entry into MEMORY CARE. $600 a day ... and she said "I really like the dog walkers you hired". Fortunately the memory care was approved. Simple ALF without the memory regulations was slightly less expensive, but still in the $5500 a month range. Much more reasonable than full time home nursing care. All depends on the patients individual needs.

 

[JD08]

Home health nurses are expensive. Depends on how much assistance you need. They generally work 8 hour shifts at $25 per hour. My sister needed that care for a couple of weeks while she was being evaluated and approved for entry into MEMORY CARE. $600 a day ... and she said "I really like the dog walkers you hired". Fortunately the memory care was approved. Simple ALF without the memory regulations was slightly less expensive, but still in the $5500 a month range. Much more reasonable than full time home nursing care. All depends on the patients individual needs.

Even CNAs are going to cost a lot, but having one stop by for a few hours helps take some of the load off even if it isn't every day. Finding out all of the options is the best first step.

 

[AUcane]

There are plenty of options for in home nursing care, but they will want compensation for their services.

this and the sad reality is that you get what you pay for.

 

[DoctorKrazey]

Very tough. As my dad mobility went down hill, so many times he fell and couldn't get up on own. His bathroom was on 2nd floor so that made going to bathroom difficult for him. I was fortunate enough, my aunt who has RN background was able to let him move in with her but in SC & I'm in OH. Now that he is gone, wish I would have visited him more in SC.

My mom was also headed that same way before she passed away last year.

I have to say, trying to take care of them was one of the toughest things for me ever.

Yea, the crazy thing is I have two kids and to me this is way harder. I think a lot of it has to do with the weight. I’m almost 50 now so not a spring chicken anymore. Plus she’s always wanting to be moved/adjusted . The nurse showed me a technique where you put a sheet underneath her and move her that way.

 

[DoctorKrazey]

I've never personally experienced it, but have worked in healthcare for over 20 years and have witnessed the difficulties it can put on families. What stinks is how expensive it is to hire personal caregivers to assist some during the day or night and health insurance companies don't cover those expenses unless you have "long-term care" insurance.

See that’s the problem we’re running into. When we were at the hospital they made it sound like someone would be coming every day but they literally coming one day a week. They have very good insurance too but I’ve since learned a lot of this round the clock care is out-of-pocket.

 

[Citizen Cane]

See that’s the problem we’re running into. When we were at the hospital they made it sound like someone would be coming every day but they literally coming one day a week. They have very good insurance too but I’ve since learned a lot of this round the clock care is out-of-pocket.

Just a thought: If you were to somehow get your mother on Medicaid, they would be able to provide a caregiver in the home during the day, multiple days/week. If that's not the route you wanted to go, they would actually pay you or your wife as "caregivers". Its not much, but it helps with lost wages from not being able to work.

A short term fix for your Home Health Care is to request a physical and occupational therapist as well as nursing and a CNA. Tell them you want to "stagger" the visits, so that someone is coming each day of the working week M-F. They should be able to do this, and at least someone is coming out everyday for an hour or so versus 1 hour per week.

 

[DoctorKrazey]

Just a thought: If you were to somehow get your mother on Medicaid, they would be able to provide a caregiver in the home during the day, multiple days/week. If that's not the route you wanted to go, they would actually pay you or your wife as "caregivers". Its not much, but it helps with lost wages from not being able to work.

A short term fix for your Home Health Care is to request a physical and occupational therapist as well as nursing and a CNA. Tell them you want to "stagger" the visits, so that someone is coming each day of the working week M-F. They should be able to do this, and at least someone is coming out everyday for an hour or so versus 1 hour per week.

Ok I’ll check into those things, thanks.