One of you will be faced with a choice.
“Do I continue to live a selfish life or do I finally sacrifice myself for the success of my brothers”.
Tonight, the last 18 years of mediocrity and disappointment can finally be put to rest by a single heroic and selfless effort.
Which one of you is fed up with kkklanville taking our best players? Who here is sick and tired of hearing the words “sec caliber” instead of “is he a Miami guy”.
One of you must say in the words of Jean Luc Picard “The line must be drawn here”!!!!
I’m talking about a slumpbuster cane fans.
Now I know what your saying. Especially you young woke pC mfers.
“Hey hey PAC, it’s a different world now and we can’t be condoning this misogynistic demand. Well I’m here to relive you of your aderral laced anxiety and say that no where am I implying that this mission be limited to a straight male.
The term slumpbuster from here on is now open to all genders and members of the LGBTQ community. That’s right you toxic masculine POS. It’s for everyone!!!!
Canes nation is now accepting sacrifices from all who bleed orange and green and are single or in open relationships.
Also, slump-buster need not be a fat ugly female anymore.
Paranos you might have to get it done tonight with some 105 lbs flat chested female.
Ladies, this might mean that the dude at the end of the bar that has the stool screaming “help me” and is working on his 2nd pitcher of beer and 3rd order of wings might have to get lucky.
Anyone that is repulsive to your taste is fair game.
The terms “not even if he was the last man on earth” or “there isn’t enough tequila to make me do that” apply.
The task tomorrow calls for drastic measures!!
As Marcellus Wallace said “Fck pride!! It only hurts, it never helps”
If tomorrow the game ends in a Miami victory be it by a lucky bounce or ten points, we will all know and thank you for your sacrifice.
We will forever remember the the sacrifices you’ve made. The smell, the teeth (or lack there of), the missing limb, the trailer or tent on the side of the road where the dead took place. It will all seem like a distant memory and a minor inconvenience compared to the joy that will present tomorrow night.
Its Great to be a Miami Hurricane!!!!
