- Sep 10, 2020
I don’t even know where to begin. I thought I had hit rock bottom earlier this year trying to care for my dad who has frontal lobe dementia. He had forgot my birthday. I didn’t want anything from him but just a call from him to wish me a happy birthday. First year he has ever forgot my birthday in my 29 years. I texted my mom to call him and remind him so he could call me to say it. Just to hear him say happy birthday and pretend everything was normal for a moment. Fast forward to today. Since my birthday earlier this year a lot has happened. He was also diagnosed with cancer and today is his first radiation appointment. Monday-Friday for 6 weeks. I’m an only child and live and work full time in Tampa. Not only is his first day of treatment today but I finally decided to put him in memory care. He should’ve been in there months ago but I was completely overwhelmed and lost. I’ve been commuting back and forth from Tampa to Orlando for the past few months spending entire days at the hospital going to doctors appointments. I’ve been balling my eyes out all day. I had a full on meltdown in the grocery store on the phone with my mom who lives an hour away. Crying to each other saying I need her. I haven’t asked for much help since I’ve been going through this and today is the first time I asked for it. Balling my outs in a fucking publix. I’m watching the man who raised me die right before my eyes. I have to help him get dressed. I have to feed him. I don’t have any children but I imagine this is a lot like raising a child. I wouldn’t wish this disease on my worst enemy. Anyways, the reason I’m posting here is I just need to type it all out. Get it off my chest. And he’s the reason I’m a canes fan for life. My favorite childhood memories are with my father in the West End Zone back in the early 2000s. I can still picture Devin Hester running back that opening kickoff against UF and Brock Berlin doing the gator chomp. McGahee running down the sideline on that screen pass in 02. The wide left. Anyways I know other people have dealt with this on here and I guess I’m just looking for advice. My life has completely turned upside down and I’m lost.