Yes it is friend.
Yes it is.
I've said this before, for any vet here, if you ever have a bad day (you know what I mean), you DM me immediately and I'll move heaven and earth to make it better however I'm able.
I appreciate you mentioning that and thanks for that mindset. I have had really good, skilled VA counselors to have the suicidal vet contact me to just talk. It's hard for me to understand why they'd be suicidal - but I've figured out at least the ones I've spoken with.
They're empaths. When it hit me - I then understood. They emotionally suffer the exact same emotion of their "victims," or companions that were put in agony or pain - but they keep those emotions, whereas those who they witnessed - got better or died. These guys never get to turn it loose.
They don't feel they can talk about what they did, what they witnessed, what they experienced - without shame in being a participant at a minimum - or inflicting these outbreaks.
How do you even explain what you experienced - to some counselor who has no basis to begin to comprehend the things we were compelled to do? You did maybe disgusting, cruel things at that time, in that environment - that you could never tell friends or family. Because it was the norm for getting through it.
So they don't talk to counselors. Or anyone.
I tell them who I am, what I was, where I was and then assure them there's nothing - and I mean nothing they can tell me they participated in, did, saw, or thought about - that I haven't participated in, did, or saw - that will shock me or disgust me.
THEN we can talk. Common phrases, common experiences.
Then I tell them that there's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is that these memories will never go way. Don't think otherwise.
But the good news - as time goes by - these memories and accompanying emotions will become less and less frequent - and if you feel that door cracking open - have something that you love or find interesting to work on that will take all your attention. Two minutes - and that door that cracked open is again - shut.
Takes practice - and your go-to place must demand your full attention.
And finally - fate. You were placed in a situation that required certain skills and abilities. You made it through. You are fated to do something in the future that's obviously important - even critical - to/for someone.
That lone, stout tree growing out of the top of a high mesa - exposed to terrible winds - that's the strong tree - you. You have to fight even more now - to fulfill your fate. To accomplish what you're here for. And you've already proven you can get through the hard **** , but you're not finished.
So - every day you awaken - look for it. Most likely there's not just one task you're here for. The strongest trees - carry the strongest loads put on it. So make a difference today - tomorrow - and keep yourself prepared to fulfill your fated tasks.
Seems like the light comes on - and works pretty well - they realize it's not just about them - it's about those around them.
