Indy here for a belated goodbye. This program is d e a d, but it isn’t stealing my joy any more. I am merely a humble doomsayer on pilgrimage, writing my last epoch before the waves carry me to the bottom of the sea.
I want you to think back to your lowest possible expectations for this season. Force your memories to bring the silly preseason record polls to the surface, recall the cavalcade of transfers coming in, the recruiting wins over Saban and Napier. Read over those now ancient expectations and realize that through 9 games Mario — yes, Mario — has managed to make them look like the Ten Commandments. Words written to make men realize their inescapable futility (oh we feel that part), but then awakening them to their desperate need for God (alas, here we have been abandoned to our football sins). Blame Gattis, blame Steele, blame your players and your injuries, but this is all on Mario. You do not fail this miserably without putting the blame squarely on the head coach.
Brian Kelly is a piece of human trash, but he knows how to coach. Some dude who was in high school like 2 months ago just beat Clemson 35-14. Mike Norvell can barely recruit air into his lungs and sounds like a side character from Animaniacs. He still walked into a full house of frothing, ****ed off fans and spray painted “DOAK SOUTH” in both end zones and *I think* urinated in Sebastian’s open mouth during one of our 27 penalties.
This game was over when Flagg’s rendering software overheated his gpu, causing him to be early to a play for the first time in his collegiate career. In case you youve forgotten in the intervening hours, or was the third play of the game. We lost on the third play of the game because FSU is competently coached. That single, solitary edge meant they horsewhipped Miami for 4 quarters once every scintilla of emotional magic fighting to thwart destiny evaporated in a pointlessly early hit. In the end, FSU’s backups scored more TDs than Miami has in over 2 games. You don’t suck this badly without the head coach being primarily to blame. Up to this point we would’ve been better off hiring Mike Elko, understand?
Mario will somehow outrun this abysmal result for one or two recruiting classes. There will be a double dip recession after that, with false offseason highs followed by skull dragging in-season lows. We spent 80 million on a less athletic Scott Frost, at this point we’d be lucky to have the real Scott Frost calling plays. Meanwhile John Ruiz isnt going to continue to dump millions of dollars into the worst investment since Terra. You have to win, Mario Cristobal, or you lose. Win or lose, slow or quick, win or lose, that’s the game.
I didn’t leave CIS because of all the negativity. I left because I’ve become way too negative about the program. I can’t stand anything about what Mario has done thus far, it reeks of arrogance AND incompetence. I’m not even mad about tonight, in fact I’m in a generous mood so here’s some free advice, Coach Cristobal: maybe next time (hopefully in a few weeks) don’t hire the entire offensive staff BEFORE you hire the freaking OC. And when you’re looking at candidates for DC, how about not hiring a guy who was retired for a year and about to slump it up with Locksley at Maryland. Maybe don’t look for big names instead of substantive resumes, imagine a world outside of “your way” on O. Your way sucks. Your way had you apologizing to the fans FOR ATTENDING THE FSU GAME. Which I kinda respect because you just oversaw the worst loss since we were on probation. (I remember that game because it was the last time I cried over football.) Your program sucks on PROBATION ERA LEVELS, MARIO. FSU was a natty level team then, they’re freaking 5-3 now.
The silver lining to all this is that I know nothing about football. Nothing. Watched it for 30 years and haven’t learned a thing, not one single thing. I watch a replay for targeting and I may as well be sitting at a lecture on Higgs boson. So maybe I’m overreacting and things will gradually improve, they’ll just take more than 9 games to achieve a stable state. It’s possible, I thought we’d end up ranked higher than our recruiting class, remember? The razor sharp edge to that silver lining is however that I’m not the one saying this program is dead, the rotting corpse lying on our own field is.
I may post on the basketball board from time to time because we have a HOF coach running that ship and Katie has probably her most complete roster ever. But I have no time for the football program until this one thing changes: make winning easier, not harder. Oh, and don’t punish us for watching you.
Now, I call upon the seas:
Wrap around my feet
Waves, come crashing down
And carry me into the deep
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