Getting eaten by a bear is not exactly comedy. That's some serious stuff - and I fail to comprehend your incomprhensive ability to define such a tragedy as comedy. Bears eat everything - meat, fat, arms, ***, clothes, boots - they're not particular. You'll also find digging through their scat (dookey) - bear warning bells, handguns, and sometimes entire cans of bear spray.
There's also been a lot of pigs kilt by deadly swine flu - which oddly doesn't seem to be a problem so much in Islamic nations - but everywhere else - a swine flu epidemic can kill off enough pigs to adversely affects the costs/ability to BBQ - especially on weekends and holidays such as have this Fourth of July.
For those such as yourself - the inability to feel empathy - those psychics - or psychologists - psychiatrists - whatever - even have a Latin term for it, and it's really long.
You might want to see a doctor and get that checked out. Just to be safe.
Otherwise - you're a great poster.