Aggie here. Good game on Saturday. I really need some help/advice from you guys if you can spare the time. My girlfriend went to Miami for undergrad, She doesn’t really care much about football, but she was excited because they got a new coach and the media were saying Miami would be good this year. She was pretty cool about it when we lost to App State last week, but she did tell me that it bodes well for Miami, which kind of ****ed me off. Don’t ******* tell me our loss to App State bodes well for Miami. That’s a ******* cheap shot.
Anyway, we watched the game together on Saturday, which was probably a mistake. She doesn’t really drink at all, which is the exact opposite of how I would describe myself. I started with a Miller Lite and a couple of Shiner Bocks during the LSU-MSU game to get into the groove, figuring I would take it all in stride and just hold a nice buzz throughout the night. But by the time 8:10 p.m. came around, I was so ******* amped up from watching spike ball on ESPNews that I just had to switch the hard stuff. I couldn’t afford my weekly handle of Jack Daniels due to some recent financial struggles/difficulties with my job, so I dug until I found something that would get the job done. I located a nearly full bottle of Sailor Jerry’s that I’ve had for probably four years, and I started mixing with Coke Zero. And when I say “mixing,” I really just mean a small splash, and eventually none, although for what it’s worth, I did at least look at the can of Coke Zero as I drank Sailor J’s from the bottle.
I handled it pretty well until we recovered the muffed punt, at which point I absolutely erupted with a Rob Ryan-like “**** YEAH!!!! **** YEAH!!!!!!” I got a really dirty look although she didn’t actually say anything to me. But when LJ Johnson punched it in for the TD, I started dancing in a seductive fashion and singing “**** you. **** you. The hurricanes suck and they’re going to lose.” For reference, I sang it to the same tune as “I love you. You love me. We’re a happy family.” At that point, she got really ****ed and started yelling at me and calling me an *******. I immediately apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. But halftime came and went, I kept drinking Sailor’s, and soon we were deep into the second half. All I really remember after that is when Achane broke lose for our second touchdown, I started yelling “**** Miami!!!!!!!” and giving her two middle fingers about six inches from her face. The sad thing is, I honestly didn’t want to do it. It was like I was hovering above my own body, watching myself engage in this heinous behavior as some other evil entity controlled my actions.
She immediately started cussing at me like a sailor at the top of her lungs. You would think she had been the one drinking Sailor Jerry’s from the bottle. I mean combinations of ****, **** and **** that I didn’t even know existed. I was very offended and taken aback, and I remember telling her to get the **** out because I have no use for a South Beach hussy. It was at that point that my out of body experience ended and I snapped back to reality realizing that my relationship might be on the rocks if I didn’t act fast. I tried apologizing again, but she ran and locked herself in the bedroom, and I heard noise coming from inside for about 45 minutes. About the time the game was over, she came stomping out with a duffel bag full of stuff and said that we were done. I was still hammered drunk and just yelled “17 to 9, *****!!!!” as she walked out the door.
Yesterday I just kind of assumed that we would be cool and go on with life, but she texted me around lunch time and said she needs to come get the rest of her stuff at some point (she lives with me). I really don’t wanna lose her. I feel like what I did was mostly good natured ribbing between two college football fans just watching a game. Does anybody have any advice on how to go about getting her back? Should I pretend to like Miami and follow their team real closely this season or something like that so I can text her about their games? I don’t know. I guess I am partly to blame, but she certainly isn’t blameless either. She knows I get emotional about the Aggies. I don’t know how I’m going to keep paying rent if she’s gone because she pays half and the lease is in my name. I guess I’m still processing everything as we’ve been together for 8 years. Any help is appreciated.
