The More You Know...About Cincinnati

The More You Know...About Cincinnati

Dan E. Dangerously
Dan E. Dangerously
The Canes host the Bearcats at high noon this Saturday. Lets see what Cincinnati is all about.


We are already halfway through the 2014 season, but some mean person is still making us go through with the final 6 games. It's cruel IMO. I used to enjoy making these posts, now it feels like a chore. My free time could be better served looking at infomercial gifs on the internet. I mean, look how dangerous tape measurers can be:


I always felt it should be easier to stuff bananas inside of beer bottles:


Thanks comma Mom:


1. Where they are in the standings/rankings:


What a ****** conference. Cincinnati is a middle of the road team in it, so it's impossible for us to have any trouble with them, right? Another thing in our favor is that Cincinnati is really banged up right now. Their starting QB, top 2 RB's, and a couple of OL are all banged up. Because of this they only average 103.5 yards rushing per game. So if we can't shut them down...I don't even want to speculate. The Bearcats are coming off a blowout loss to Memphis 41-14. Here's what Memphis people are saying about them:

From: Memphis Flyer

Frank Murtaugh said:
...Playing without their top two running backs, and coming off a game in which the offense gained but 104 yards, the Tigers manhandled a Cincinnati team picked to win the American during the preseason. Memphis scored on five of its first six possessions and gained 612 yards on 94 plays, improving to 3-2 on the season and 1-0 in AAC play...

And here's what the Memphis/Cincinnati game looked like:


We better win.

2. What happened the last time Miami played Cincinnati?


Apparently so. I asked google several different ways what happened during this game in 1998, and google kept looking at me like a dog with it's head tilted to the side. No idea what happened, but Miami won 38-12. I have no memory of this game so people who do, feel free to provide something.

3. Who to be scared of:


Aaron Doster/USA Today

Gunner Kiel pulling a Willis Reed

Kiel finally made his college debut this season and came out red-hot from the jump. He put up over 1,200 yards with a completion percentage over 60%. He also threw 15 TD's and just 3 INT's. Things were trending up for him, then he got drilled hard in the ribs by an oncoming blitzer:


His ribs hurt so bad he was rolling around on the ground in severe pain.


Kiel took some snaps today in practice, but Tubbs says it's unlikely he plays. Munchie Legaux will likely be the starter, and he's coming off his own injury situation. Remember in the Nebraska game when one of Kaaya's interceptions was wiped out for a pretty lame roughing the passer penalty? Well, Legaux is the reason why that rule is in place. Munchie was having solid college career until last season when his knee cap exploded. He dropped back to pass and some guy for Illinois dove helmet first into his knee...


...and this was the result after he made contact.


I'm no doctor, but I don't think your leg is suppose to bend like that. Munchie won't have to worry about something like that happening again this weekend, mainly because any potential blitzers won't be able to get in the backfield in time. It takes too long to get there when you are lined up in Sarasota. You might remember Legaux from 2012 when he beat the Hokies with this throw:


4. Player that will score against us:


Kareem Elgazzar/WCPO

Chris Moore

This Junior from Tampa is having a pretty good season so far for the Bearcats. He leads the team in receiving yards with 340, and in TD's as well with 5. He's also leading the team with a yards per catch average of 30.9. He absolutely lit up Ohio State a few weeks ago. He caught just 3 passes, but all 3 were TD's, which gave him 221 yards for the day. The 73.7 YPC for this game was an NCAA single game record. Not bad. This is how he did it:


He's going to be a problem.

5. Person that will **** you off:


Jeff Luc

Jeff Luc first made a name for himself on the internet with his insane highschool highlights. If you remember his recruitment, he said he chose FSU over Miami because of some bull**** about being scared of the violence in South Florida. Now this former Nole is wreaking havoc for Cincinnati, averaging over 15 tackles per game. He leads the team with 62 tackles (27 solo), which is good enough for 6th most nationwide. Everyone else in the top 40 in tackles has played at least 5 games, while Luc has done this in just 4. He trails the nation's leading tackler by just 11, so he'll probably springboard into 1st place after this weekend. This is a crappy phone video on youtube that shows off his best plays against Ohio State.


He's going to hurt somebody.

6. If Cincinnati was a character from a Monty Python movie, they would be:


The Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

These guys just can't catch a break in the injury department, and it started in the opening game when center Deyshawn Bond got hurt against Toledo.


"Tis but a scracth", the Bearcats muttered to themselves, and the fight continues on. That is until Junior RB Tion Green got injured against Ohio State and is now out for the season because of hernia surgery.


But the Bearcats were undeterred. "Just a flesh wound," they claimed. They had gone this far, so when Gunner Kiel came down with bruised ribs last week, they still played it off like it meant nothing.


"I'm invinceable! The Bearcats always triumph!! Have at you!!!!" It wasn't until leading rusher Hosey Williams came down with a knee injury against Memphis that they finally relented.


"All right, we'll call it a draw."

Whatever makes you feel better, Bearcat.

7. Official Internet meme for this game:

Schrute Facts



Comments (13)

I though Jeff Luc was married ,with 4 kids, selling insurance . Dude gotta be 30
Damnit Dan, cut to the chase. We gonna win or what?

Great job as usual.
**** shouldn't Jeff Luc be applying for social security soon. Surprised his grandkids will let him still play. Pretty dangerous for a senior citizen.
We are already halfway through the 2014 season, but some mean person is still making us go through with the final 6 games. It's cruel IMO.

+ 1,000
Stellar work. Unfortunately, no one will see it, because of, well, you know....
We wreck cincy.

Everyone jacks off on themselves.

We lose out after that.

Guaranteed. (maybe beat Pitt.)