Dracula
Recruit
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2013
- Messages
- 119
Tomfoolery to follow:
If this has already been covered, delete away. Initially, I thought that Lindsey Graham was becoming a chicken mascot or some such. Alas, I was wrong. The article is much juicier. War is here. Not the hillbilly v. hippie war, but far more visceral.
Imagine, if you will:
ESPN, Gameday. Kirk Herbstreit touting linebacker statistics while a crowd of leprechauns applaud in 4/4 time.
Then come the cops. The tanks. The bombers. Then the carnage begins. South Bend Police Department RIOT squad spraying down the masses with vats of bubbling ranch dressing. Two innocent bystanders are sensitive to diary. Thus, a reporter is reduced to a single tear. "They should have used almond milk dressing," the reporter hums. "Ranch dressing is for commies!" The voice emits from the top of the roof of Chick-Fil-A. Lou Holtz stands, chants an arcane racist tirade in Latin, then signals. Bombers drop trash bags of coupons onto the crowd.
"10% off," the little paper strip says. The crowd tries to flee, yet this is where the full force of the United States government is unleashed. Tens of thousands of armored pick-up trucks block any escape. In unison, the cabs of the trucks are lowered. The rampaging thousands of chickens are deployed. Hopping, side-stepping, and otherwise wing-flapping their way towards the prone leprechauns. What happens next is unspeakable.
The headline "South Bend Pecked to Death by Cluckers" scrolls across the tube. An oily Lindsey Graham weeps as Chick-Fil-A stockholders play tiddly-winks in adjacent showers. The NCAA opens a FBI investigation into the University of Miami, because it's now Tuesday. Former coach Al Golden is interviewed, to which he blames the wind. Jameis Winston crab-legs his way through South Florida.
If this has already been covered, delete away. Initially, I thought that Lindsey Graham was becoming a chicken mascot or some such. Alas, I was wrong. The article is much juicier. War is here. Not the hillbilly v. hippie war, but far more visceral.
Imagine, if you will:
ESPN, Gameday. Kirk Herbstreit touting linebacker statistics while a crowd of leprechauns applaud in 4/4 time.
Then come the cops. The tanks. The bombers. Then the carnage begins. South Bend Police Department RIOT squad spraying down the masses with vats of bubbling ranch dressing. Two innocent bystanders are sensitive to diary. Thus, a reporter is reduced to a single tear. "They should have used almond milk dressing," the reporter hums. "Ranch dressing is for commies!" The voice emits from the top of the roof of Chick-Fil-A. Lou Holtz stands, chants an arcane racist tirade in Latin, then signals. Bombers drop trash bags of coupons onto the crowd.
"10% off," the little paper strip says. The crowd tries to flee, yet this is where the full force of the United States government is unleashed. Tens of thousands of armored pick-up trucks block any escape. In unison, the cabs of the trucks are lowered. The rampaging thousands of chickens are deployed. Hopping, side-stepping, and otherwise wing-flapping their way towards the prone leprechauns. What happens next is unspeakable.
The headline "South Bend Pecked to Death by Cluckers" scrolls across the tube. An oily Lindsey Graham weeps as Chick-Fil-A stockholders play tiddly-winks in adjacent showers. The NCAA opens a FBI investigation into the University of Miami, because it's now Tuesday. Former coach Al Golden is interviewed, to which he blames the wind. Jameis Winston crab-legs his way through South Florida.
