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Micanor Regis.

How in god's name are we supposed to blame Rumph when a kid from the Muck wants to go back to living in a hick town?

Couple of points. Yes on Pahokee-Oxford comparison, but we have managed to sign a bunch of Muck kids in the past. So there IS a track record of making the transition, though I understand the comfort level with hick southern towns. And if the kid is this motivated to pick a hick southern town...