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I would just change "late-rising" to "late-flipping". I would also change "t!ts" to "generous scoops of mouth-watering flesh" and make them defy gravity.

People are freaking out about 2021 already? Let it go. --we have a chance to grab a recruit once we hit the "Firing Head Coaches" window --we have a chance to grab a transfer who decides he didn't like riding the bench this year --we have a chance to grab a grad-transfer Plenty of time. Stop...