If we ever have a really talented kid that is looking to transfer, send 'em to FSU on a visit. Seems like that's the most effective tactic to get the kid to withdraw from the portal.
ALL NON-FSU COACHES:
"So, son. You want to transfer? Well, let me tell ya, the grass ain't always greener on the other side. You might end up in a place like...FSU. You like ballet? Well, their kids are practicing it in the hallways. You like diarrhea? Their training table is full of sugar free gummie bears that they can't sell. But go on and go ahead. I hear that they even play the FSU fight song for you on a cassette tape when you come to meet them.
You like goin' to the bathroom? Well, you're gonna be holding it for a
long time there 'cause FSU doesn't have functioning bathrooms. If you're lucky, you can find a bush. And if funding comes in, maybe you can bring a roll of recycled toilet paper out there with.
No son, the grass ain't always greener."