Kellen Winslow Jr caught beating....

PUNCICANE

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off in a parking lot.

When Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana outside a Target in East Hanover back in November, police were called to the scene because a woman thought she saw him *********ing in his vehicle in the parking lot, according to court documents.

The redacted incident report from East Hanover police shows that on Nov. 19 at 5:30 p.m., cops responded to a call from a woman who said she had parked her vehicle in a spot to the right of a black Cadillac Escalade outside the Target along Route 10. A man was sitting inside the Escalade with the window open, said the woman, whose name was redacted in the incident report. That man would later be identified as Winslow, 30, who lives in Madison.

From the report:

As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect *****. She stated that she believed he was *********ing. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.

By the time police arrived, an officer found Winslow allegedly "slouched in his seat and moving around." Winslow sprang to an upright position when the officer arrived. When the cop asked Winslow what he was doing, Winslow allegedly said he was looking for Boston Market but was lost.

The cop noticed Winslow was wearing "dark colored" sweatpants and wrote that "his genitals were not exposed." But the cop also noticed "two open containers of Vaseline on his center console" and plastic bags marked "Mr. Happy" and empty plastic containers of "Funky Monkey" scattered throughout the vehicle.

Winslow allegedly told police he smoked the "Mr. Happy" and "Funky Monkey" at his home to relax because the NFL doesn't drug test for it, and that he buys the stuff on the internet and at gas stations. Police say he consented to a vehicle search, and after a few items were seized into evidence, Winslow was free to go.

Lab tests that came back on Dec. 23 revealed Winslow was in possession of synthetic marijuana. He was formally charged on Dec. 30, and last week he pleaded not guilty before a judge in Superior Court in Morristown.

The incident report lists lewdness among the alleged crimes, but Winslow was not charged with anything relating to alleged lewdness.

A 10-year NFL veteran, Winslow just finished his first season with the Jets. He is scheduled to be an unrestricted free agent in 2014.

The entire East Hanover police incident report can be found below.

http://www.nj.com/jets/index.ssf/20...n_winslow_jr_was_masturbating_in_his_car.html
 
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So now “going to Boston Market” will become a euphemism for…
 
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So now “going to Boston Market” will become a euphemism for…

Yep...

Slamming the salami
Choking the chicken
Burping the worm
Spanking the monkey
Shaking up the soda
Jerkin your gerkin

And now.... GOING TO BOSTON MARKET.
 
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So now “going to Boston Market” will become a euphemism for…

Yep...

Slamming the salami
Choking the chicken
Burping the worm
Spanking the monkey
Shaking up the soda
Jerkin your gerkin

And now.... GOING TO BOSTON MARKET.

You forgot

Waxing the dolphin
Flogging the dolphin
Pounding the pelican
Beating the bishop


And one of my all time favorites......... Spanking little Johnny behind the ear.
 
Guys he was really looking for Boston Market. Nothing better than a Half chicken and an Xtra Large tube of Vaseline.
 
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My roommate was on the team when he was there and apparently kW would make the fact that he beat off many many times per day very public knowledge. One story I remember is that he left a team meeting with his portable DVD player and returned a short while later. He looked at my buddy and stated that it was his 6th jerkoff session of the day
 
Weirdest part of the story...

"When the police searched the history of his phone, the number one website visited was www.westendzone.com"
 
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My roommate was on the team when he was there and apparently kW would make the fact that he beat off many many times per day very public knowledge. One story I remember is that he left a team meeting with his portable DVD player and returned a short while later. He looked at my buddy and stated that it was his 6th jerkoff session of the day

:ibisroflmao:
 
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